Dead wishes


There is silence where should be anticipation of festive weeks to come.There is this vacuum of hugs where I could see faces I once held dear to me.

There is only silence and a ball of chocolate candy like shape peanut nuts in the dresser next to the radio that is turn off.

No music ,no melodies or christmas carols to erase the cold away,just silence and   rain coming down  by the  side window that looks out from my bed.

I may just deslike this season a bit more than I thought.

It may require some inner thought of redemption that I no longer seek or even care to look after like a rainbow in a rainy day,no that is not entirely true.

I would like to feel something,but all that I can sense is loss.

And the taste,oh the taste is so bitter there is no candy or chocolate that can sweeten my tooth.

Words that are left unspoken of lost friends and unrequired family are now put to test when I am once again requested to try and patch a line of comunication with the past.

Why would I want to ?

I cant buy flowers in buquets because their life line is so short and to me that is a waste of a life,fair enough they are a force of beauty and smell ok,but why not buy a plant ?

But that was not the point ,althought the point of most anything these days elludes me because i sleep less and less,maybe i need Catman beside me purring me to sleep,that would be fun !!!!

Disregard that and let me know when to actually go and knock off,lol.

ThisMr .Rainer is something else altogether ,in a good/bad way.

A  man who at the tender age of 34 has 2 cats is not so much as given up on his love life as much as settling for what ????

What is the word I am looking for ?

He is lonely and maybe not so keen in trusting another human being with his heart which I have to say is fair enough,just not good enough for him where I am concern.

So,to you Catman,Merry Xmas and try and smile more often and why would you think I am jewish in the first place is beyond me !!!


Carla Freitas



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