Me,I was never one.
Innocnet ,I mean.
I always knew too much saw too much ,experienced too much to be one.
But my heart,what of my heart ?
To who I shelter my strenght ?
To whom I look for embrance ?
In who I roam ?
And so another brick is laid in the foundation of this country where I habit alone.I see myself alone yet not lonely seeking something that lies before my open eyes and I am unable to ask for.
Why is that ?
Books can help you so much to improve lack of knowledge but where human contact is concern I am very ignorant and most times just unable to communicate with others.
I look for ways to avoid contact even with people love.
I remenber the past,I look into my future and I see so much of what I seek and yet afraid to hold onto.
Afraid that it will bring more sorrow ,more disapointment,more of less of what I had hope it would be ?
All of the above.
In many ways I stopped living and in others I have reached a new level of detachment from human kind.
I have become this empty shell of exactly what ?
I am a woman that knows what she likes,sexually speaking and I am not afraid to hold what I want or ask or even demand what I want ,but the hollow space that is left after sex with no felling makes me keep my clothes on more and more theses days.
I have met this man through words better left between me and him ,and I can actually say without doubt that I can see myself helping him in his daily private life.
I am cold inside.
I see myself at the end of my innocense and whatever is left of it dies in his actions.