There is an angry feeling deep inside that tends to surface when I am otherwise tired,fisically tired that is.The nightmares from distant past comes in shock waves in unexpect moments when things seem to become more sheerfull.
Why is that,I wonder ?
Do we seek our own misfortune ?
Do we like to make ourselfs miserable ?
In this last few months ,I have taken more and more steps into being *what is that word again-yes!*,I have become trully independent of what others may or not view of me.
In basic terms,it simply means I am even more selective of who I spend my time with.
Because of this simply action ,I have erradicate from my past life at least 60 people,now you may ask yourself ,if all that rubish is out ,why did it take so long to come to terms with this decision ?
The answer as the song goes is very simply,if you want to find why look into yourself first and what I found was not enough reason to keep punishing myself to be in the company of people and a work environment I desliked just to provide for my children!
So,I quit that good paying job and today,I earn less but instead I have one thing that is far more important,I go to work happy,I work happy!
Now,how to put a prize on that ?
How expensive are antidepressants anyway ?????
I find myself looking out for new things to do,I still accept extra shifts in my new working place and most weeks work 6 days,but I still have more free time off.And in those moments I am myself in silence,alone but no longer lonely.
I found something that I had lost long ago, a reason to smile.
I feel the breeze in my hair and I close my eyes and I just let my senses come to life and I intake all that is arround me in,the noise of life and the sweat of the living,with all the excitment that it is to be part of the human race again and I live again!
I am back......