A small touch on the shoulder and it is another trip to neverland.I run my hand trough my hair and try to shake this feeling of "Hugh!",but even I can`t make the effort.
All the food I eat is tastless and the written word although still in practise has less and less appealing.
I am demotivated about anything and I have come to realise as I reach a position in life at work or personal level ,I loose interest in the thing that require so much of my effort or time.
What is the saying "You only want what you can`t have ?"
My mind wisper "Isra...Israel..."
Funny ,how you can accomplish all the tasks life requires of you and still you fill unfullfiled,sad but true.
Something so insignificant as love takes new turns and the works of your heart are left scattered in all the mess you put yourself in the first time.
I keep going back is all this worth it ?
The asnwer comes in the form of two little man" Mica and Lucas",and yes they are,still my mind wonders trough the Atlantic and rests on an island blessed by sunshine and the gift of time,and I wish for things better left unwhished for.
Such is the burden of choice,once it is done you can`t undone.
Life seems to taste less,to shine in small patches of light that are not big enough to warm me,and my laughter seems more and more untrue,therefor I busy myself as much as possible and yet I still find time to travel back where I used to feel so much more.
Where I used to feel alive.
This new enovation of my profile picture that never sees the light of who I trully am appart from a selected few is another reason why I know here I can hide and no one can find me,not that I need finding,but it is so much easier to hide amongst strangers who couldn`t care less if you are dead or alive or even happy.
People I work for on a daily basis appart from my direct boss are really not all that,but the point is I can disapear and who would bothered to look in the first place ?
Why would they ?
This non-connnection to a common ground and the fact that I spend a lot of time with people without relating to them is not me.
I used to care,even make a impact on the ones around me,today I am more reserved,less inclined to participate in any adventure that requires talking and interacting with others,what is loss is so much you can really put a price to it.
Only I know,only I think that what i left behind appart from the gain of my sons is more and I presently have.
What inspires me then ?
The human spirit to endure no matter what is thrown at them is one,laughter maybe the most inspiring thing I can come up with,it requires little or no effort at all and it can brighten up your entire self.
I leave this post with one thought"I need to let you go in my mind as well..."