Underneath all this mask of social accemptance there is an anger that burns deep.
So deep I feel deep hatred that isn`t easy to reason why or to provide with answers to how go about stop feeling this way.
Or sometimes if I want to.
There are parts of me I barely agknowlegde today or any day of my existence but still, they live in me,they fester deep feelings of mistrust towards men or any friendship with them,in fact I can`t say that I have men in my daily cicle of life.
Correction.I don`t .
There`s a very foul taste in my mouth of wanting to hurt someone.Today.Anyday.
Sometimes I wonder if i am not slowly going down the path of insanity,but as I recall my past I am aware of the reasons why I buried them so deep and when they resurface it makes me feel destructive for no reason whatsoever.
I really pitty the men that at any time have felt attracted to me in a romantic way.
Will never happen.
I hate men.
Well late me explain that though a bit further I have no use for a man in my life.
The only two men I love are my sons,and because I gave birth to them I can love them without questionning their gender.
But the rest of them,no use whatsoever.
If I write with so little regard towards this subject it is because I wrote something the other day.
I wish to fall in love.
Well it is not going to happen is it ?
Since i only encounter in sexual activities with men and i can`t see to stand them for more than the time it takes for me to be satisfied.
Cruel, I know but the funny part is that the men I use for sex,don`t seem to mind that I do use them.
In fact I maintain a good relanshionship with all of them.
I am their confident and in their eyes.A friend.
So,my question is.
Am I a good actress ?
I must be,but as I recall the truths I have laid at their feet throught the years I say no.
I am simply what you see is what you get,no more no less.
I love my sons,and that for me is enough.
But to trust one man any man would be a miracle.
Do I believe in miracles ?
Well it isn`t christmas yet but this coming friday.
On the 15 of May.
At 2 o`clock a long time ago I was born.
Isn`t life itself a miracle ?
Que sera sera...
Italian for "What will be will be..."
I almost snarl,and I am not a dog.