Hatred

Underneath all this mask of social accemptance there is an anger that burns deep.

So deep I feel deep hatred that isn`t easy to reason why or to provide with answers to how go about stop feeling this way.

Or sometimes if I want to.

There are parts of me I barely agknowlegde today or any day of my existence but still, they live in me,they fester deep feelings of mistrust towards men or any friendship with them,in fact I can`t say that I have men in my daily cicle of life.

Correction.I don`t .

There`s a very foul taste in my mouth of wanting to hurt someone.Today.Anyday.

Sometimes I wonder if i am not slowly going down the path of insanity,but as I recall my past I am aware of the reasons why I buried them so deep and  when  they resurface it makes me feel destructive for no reason whatsoever.

I really pitty the men that at any time have felt attracted to me in a romantic way.

Pointless.

Will never happen.

I hate men.

Well late me explain that though a bit further I have no use for a man in my life.

The only two men I love are my sons,and because I gave birth to them I can love them without  questionning their gender.

But the rest of them,no use whatsoever.

If I write with so little regard towards this subject it is because I  wrote something the other day.

I wish to fall in love.

Well it is not going to happen is it ?

Since i only encounter in sexual activities with men and i can`t see to stand them for more than the time it takes for me to be satisfied.

Cruel, I know but the funny part is that the men I use for sex,don`t seem to mind that I do use them.

In fact I maintain a  good relanshionship with all of them.

I am their confident and in their eyes.A friend.

So,my question is.

Am I a good actress ?

I must be,but as I recall the truths I have laid at their feet throught the years I say no.

I am simply what you see is what you get,no more no less.

I love my sons,and that for me is enough.

But to trust one man any man would be a miracle.

Do I believe in miracles ?

Well it isn`t christmas yet but this coming friday.

On the 15 of May.

At 2 o`clock  a long time ago I was born.

Isn`t life itself a miracle ?

Well.

Que sera sera...

Italian for "What will be will be..."

Men...

I almost snarl,and I am not a dog.

The End

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