Do you remember the first poem I wrote for you? And even though I pretended not to have a clue what you were talking about but you knew damn right it was for you because you always saw right through me and knew when I was lying.
I have a copy of it right here. I thought maybe I'd just write it down for you to read again.
I was so scared writing it, so scared giving it to you to read. And then you just smiled that cheeky smile of yours and raised an eyebrow as you dove at me and tickled me.
"So is it about me then Alli?" you asked in between my squeals. "No. I just wrote it out of a random thought." I giggled. You had me pinned at that stage, holding my hands together above my head with one of yours as you used the other to inflict torturous tickles on my poor sides. "Liar." you said as you leant close and rubbed your nose against mine in an eskimo kiss while your free hand went behind my back and you pulled me close. You held your lips inches from mine as you stared into my eyes. "Tell the truth Alli." You whispered as I squirmed under you. "Yes." my voice was as breathless as it had been, that first time in the cinema, as you bent your head and I lost myself in your kiss.
Take this knife,
Hilt inlaid with gold,
Take this knife,
You are trusted,
Dont let this grow cold.
I didnt mean to give you power,
But I dont want it back,
I gave you everything with eyes wide open,
And what you give me I lack.
Warmth of you beside me,
As we lay there,
Wrapped in each others thoughts,
Knowing that the feeling we get from every touch,
Is something that we never fought.
I'm looking into your eyes and trusting you,
Hoping you trust me too.
So take this knife made up of serpent secrets,
The only power to break me.
Take this destruction and make me.
Well you took that destruction Crow, and you made me into something beautiful, built me up until I was higher then the sky. "No limits." you used to smile at me. I'm going to miss your smile. You were the one that built me up, but you were also the one that tore me down.
I said before that you could see through me. Well, I guess you can't see through me anymore because I've lied to you countless times in the past few days...
I told you I'm fine. I told you I'd be fine. And you smiled and your whole body relaxed as you hugged me and told me that you were glad I wasn't mad or completely distraught and also that I didn't hate you. But I am mad, at myself. Mad for letting you so close when I knew it couldn't last forever. Distraught because I have lost the thing that came to mean the most to me in the past year. But I don't hate you Crow. I could never hate you.
Because I still love you.