Almost a year.

How am I going to live through this Monday?

I don't even know whether to send Grandma a birthday card. Isn't that just too much of a reminder? How do I deal with that?

I can't bear it. If someone asks me what's wrong I'll break down, I know I will.

Another year has passed. Does this always happen? Does it always feel this way? I thought it would get easier over time. I thought by now it would be just something in the past and I wouldn't miss you any more.

I can't bear it. How long until I go through this all over again?

I don't want to lose someone. This doesn't seem like how it should be. Why is life so full of loss?

Grandad.

It's almost a year.

Have you forgotten me?

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I wrote you a letter and it never got sent. When I heard the news it broke me. Now you'd never read it.

So I read through the letter again and I cried. I'd named it 'last letter' but it would never be the last. I'd always write another one.

And I started to write you a letter each day, to tell you how I was and how the world was.

Grandad, I hope you can see these. These letters.

updated May 6 '10 by delorfinde