Letter to The Past

Dear Little Me,

Alright, I know this will sound pretty weird to you, but I've been thinking about you alot lately and I've been seeing you through the days so often and, still, I never once dared to tell you anything. Well I suppose it's not a secret anymore, but I still wouldn't have done this, if I didn't have something important to share with you. I was happy enough to just selfishly indulge myself with being able to relive the beautiful moments from my past through your eyes that I thought it would be of no use to ruin them just because I thought I had something to say.

However, as I've went alongside you, in the shadows, forth on our very own story, a nagging and disturbing feeling kept growing inside of me. And that's because, dear, I know your hardships will begin soon. Don't get all fired up about it, though, they're not all as bad as you imagine. Some are petty and you'll get over them easily, others will decide who you're going to be and which way you'll turn later on. I will only try to give you some advice, as someone who, you'll have to trust, has more experience and knows you better than anyone else.

I have a bit of a trouble with finding my words right now. I don't really know where to begin... I guess the power is in my hands to give you directions to change just as well as it is in yours to make the slightest difference that could eliminate me from the equations and probabilities.

And I guess that is one of the most important things that I meant to tell you! So many times I've thought "if I'd known back then what I know now, I'd never make the same mistake again.". Truth is you'll always make them. Even I can't do anything about that. Laying your whole life before you and pointing out for you everything that "should" have been different would probably mean that I, myself, haven't learned anything from my mistakes from the past. So don't hold it against me that I won't share, but you're not suppose to know everything because your life is supposed to be better than that: a fully mapped-out template you have to follow closely to avoid things like getting hurt, being deceived, wrong doings... Nothing will be worth fighting for anymore and taking risks, making mistakes..learning!  They'll all be redundant! They won't mean anything, not when your life is so predictable and set on predefined targets and paths. And to be honest, my wish has always been to give myself a chance for a clean start, if I could; where possibilities are infinite. So, even if you don't have the experience to appreciate it, I want you to make the most of it!

How? Well you could start by not ever letting people tell you what's best for you as I might've done before, in your not very distant future. If you're the only one that knows yourself best, how could others possibly know what you want or how you feel and how you relate to the world? Take advice, but don't take directions! Don't forget that you are the final filter, you are the decisional factor and there should be no one pushing your will around like a football! Because you are above everything a person, no less important than anyone else, who is entitled to have ideas, oppinions and ability to choose. Even If you may need help, you should always be the one in control!

You only get one shot at chance sometimes so don't ever risk never risking anything for the comfort of you sitting behind the stage and seeing others perform in your place. Life is not all about following the rules, you have to be a little mad to get by from time to time. Step up and be yourself, without waiting for anybody to call you on the stage or present you. Sometimes you've just got to take the bull by the horns...

And there will be times and times again when you will feel that, despite all your efforts, despite all the good intentions and your good faith, you will be a failure. Trust me, life always has a way of bringing you down, especially when you feel  like you're on top of the world, and sometimes, even when you think you can't sink any deeper. Just try not to despair. Don't look behind you to try and spot the mistakes, don't even look ahead of you because all you'll see is Misery and Wrong. When it hits you like that, retreat inside your soul and remember who you are and what you're fighting for. Remember the smile of those you care about and realise it's worth the effort of picking up all the pieces and moving on, fixing the mess as you go. This might sound stupid, but whoever came up with the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"  didn't do it out of lack of better things to do one day. You might not realise it, but you're not alone in what you're going through, be it good times or bad times. There's a solution to every problem, just like there's always sunshine after storms. So don't be afraid of failure. Fight it. Accept it. Embrace it. Break it to pieces. Move on and laugh about it. Don't dwell on it. It's only life, anyway. The next new mistake is just around the corner, and you have to be strong enough before you get there.

But of course there'll be plenty of happy times. Make the most of every second of them.  Don't ever slip into getting used to them or taking them for granted, because that's when you will start seeing nothing but the sad things in life and you wil become  ungrateful and cynic. You will begin to think you're the worst one off out there and not realise that you're luckier than you've ever thought. By all means don't create yourself a comfort zone and dare to get out there and push your limits and take the risks; just don't forget to be grateful every now and again.

Well, my wrist is aching, and my pen is soon to run out and yet I don't know how much sense you can make of all this. But if there's one thing I want you to take with you is that you have the power to be anything. You don't necessarily have to become 'this' you, the 'you' that is writing all of this down; you can be anything in between and especially  anything above that. You can aim for the highest star on the sky and you can make me the person capable to reach it. I am nothing but clay in your hands, and you can mould me into anything you dream. Always trust that you have that power.

I'm afraid I'll have to end my letter here. Before I  get too carried away and maybe say something I shouldn't; because let's be fair: no one likes a spoiler. I'm sorry if this is not what you'd hoped for. But it will most likely be what you need... at the right time.

Be happy.



The End

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