Maria

I don't know a thing.

It's magical. It's wonderful. It's amazing. It's awestriking. It's awesome. It's perfect. Or is it? I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know anything.

The only thing that I think I know is that I love you. Or I might. I'm so confused sometimes.

Why are you constantly on my mind? Why do I listen to songs that remind me of you over and over again?  Why have I written a few songs or poems about you myself? Why is is that I want to know more about you but don't know how or when I can find an excuse to ask? Why do you have to be so goddamn smart and funny all of the time? Why is is that when people talk about dating I say that "there's only one guy I want to be with"?

Why am I no longer satisfied with just watching you and not bothering to hope because compared with you, I'm just another kid. Albeit a smart and not exactly ordinary one. But still, compared with you I'm just a kid. Right? Aren't I right? I don't know.

Wouldn't it work for us? We're compatible enough. We get along really well. And I really like you. We're friends. Maybe even close to becoming equals.

Maybe it's because the closer we are to being equals, the more I feel like I just might have a chance with you.

You like to tease me. You like talking to me. We're friends. We get along well. Is that a good enough reason to be with you?

No. No, there has to be more. There has to be more of a connection. Am I the only one who feels it? Am I merely kidding myself into believing that a kid like me could be of some interest to you? Sometimes I want to grow up so much, so that you'll see a woman rather than the teenager you saw when we first became friends. I want to treasure the last little while of my childhood, yes, but I also want to grow up. I want you to see me. Me. As a person, as a woman, as a potential lover, as someone you trust with your life.

I want to give you my life. And I want yours in return.

Okay. So, maybe I do love you. And I'm going to tell you.

I want to tell you soon, because I can't wait for very much longer.

The End

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