-laughs- wait what the fu-?
No, you’re getting it all wrong! What really happened was…
You raped and molested me.
No! Let me finish!
Well that’s what happened.
How would you know? You were drunk!
So? I FELT it.
You ASKED for it!
I was DRUNK!
So? That’s beside the point. I reckon that seeing as you asked for it…
Then its rape because I was DRUNK. I don’t REMEMBER asking for it! And I sure as hell didn’t want it!
That’s not how it sounded from my point of view…
Part 1 - I hadn't realised how similar I am with you to that girl I used to be with him.. :l
An explosion of butterflies within me as he holds my hand and smiles that familiar smile making my heart flutter even more. My heart beat's still raising as he holds my other hand and asks "Are you sure your ok with this?". I blush a little and nod and he pulls me gently towards him... still wary if he's allowed to do this it seems. And then he seems to stop the war in his mind as one side wins.
He pulls me closer again but this time less gentle, not quite harshly, almost as if he were excited. I bite my lip and he wavers a tad but I smile, I've wanted this small thing for a long while now.
His eyes flash... I don't know what they flash, not guilt, he hasn't done anything to me... its almost guilt though but it dissapears quickly, fading into a warm smile and before I really have much chance to think about it, that smile is pressed up against mine.
This touch, its soft.. as 'excited' as he seemed to feel less than a minute ago, this is relaxed and easy. He seems to want to move and I let him push me back towards the door which closes quietly were I hit it, it is nice to have some sort of support to save me from toppling over backwards with... what do I feel? Amazed, surprised, scared like crazy - what if... he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't do it again? I'd be missing out that's for sure. I like this. - all in all, I think I'm just entirely over-whelmed. This is the guy I've been after for months... so what if months aren't much, there are years ahead which I would've been waiting for this... for him. And quite suddenly I feel the urge to open my mouth and tell him I love him.. which was rather stupid as well yes. But... rather spur of the moment, I begin to slowly open my mouth... fast enough for him to catch on but slow enough for him not to jump back.. well I hope. That thought makes me giggle mentally, he hasn't jumped back yet after all and you would've thought.. well I have been here for a while ^_^ I love that I can feel his breathe on me.. it reminds me of falling asleep like this with him. Well not like THIS but almost just as close.. infact no not as close, I don't think I've ever been this close to.. well anyone. I love this.
I just realised I have my eyes closed.. I've never been one for closing my eyes, I don't trust others enough to let myself be that vulnerable but here I am, gently pushed against a door by this one person... and my eyes are closed: he must be trustworthy. My heart flutters at that too. I don't know how many times my hearts skipped a beat, surprised I haven't passed out yet actually... That makes me smile and I guess he could feel it because his heart felt as though it skipped a beat there too.
He's pushing a little harder against me now.. it literally takes my breathe away, he's not suffocating me but the fact that he's kissing me is stopping my heart too much and being this close... sigh... It was a happy sigh, somehow he seems to have felt that too. He's easing off and I'm not exactly pleased about that, I tighten my grip around his neck but I think that he's decided he's going to suffocate me if he kisses me any longer.. I regret to admit that he's probably right. I loosen my grip and he pulls away with an almost amused look on his face, I can feel myself blushing so I drop my gaze down to the floor. He's stepped back a bit, obviously, it'd be hard to really look at me if he had stayed as close as he was a few moments ago.
I'm still thinking about this when I feel him touch my chin and lightly lift my head to look up at him, I bite my lip a little less lightly than I'd expected and feel a jolt of pain which I ignore. He looks at me for a few more seconds and then kisses my cheek... I decide not to think about what he means by that until later because he opens his mouth to speak. He asks if I am okay. This makes me laugh and he is looking at me with a very confused look on his face when I stop, well, and throughout.
I smile and nod and he asks me why I laughed and I tell him that it just seemed like a very odd question to ask and he said 'well then I must be very odd, I say it all the time' and grins at me; I laugh again. He's smiling at me with a strange look.. to me its something between confusion, guilt, sort of happiness and some kind of discontent... as much as I feel I want to be kissed again, I think my insides woud burn if that fire were to re-light anytime soon. We're looking at each other, his eyes look full of questions, heaven knows what he has to ask me?!
'What are you thinking' oh, he's seen my expression...
'I don't really know' I lie. He frowns
'I don't believe you' and he smiles again, 'come on, its not like you can be imagining kissing me' and he grins in amusement at me.
'I could, just wouldn't be imagining anymore...' my mind starts to wander and I smile.
'It's hard to get much out of you, you know that' he's looking at me with that strange expression again. I smile again.
'You could ask?' he stares down at me for a few minutes, his expression changing after every few seconds; he's mainly looking confused.
'What.. did you... how do you feel?' I bite my lip again to try to stop the hysterical laughter that's suddenly trying to burst out of my lungs.
'Happy,' evil little grin 'and you?' I'm being annoying, I know it, but its fun.
'You're so difficult.' He shakes his head, 'how did... that... make you feel?' I think about this for a moment or two while he stares.. waiting for some sort of response.
'A lot of things... hot for a start...' I'm daydreaming, saying I feel hot makes me wish he was kissing me again but this time he's kissing my kneck and working his way up to my lips, I giggle and he laughs.
'You think a lot, what you thinking now?'
'umm....' I smile and shake my head. 'Nothing,' innocent smile.
'The last time you acted like that you were imagining kissing me and I don't think that it would have much effect on you if you were daydreaming that now so fess up.' I flash back to a few minutes ago and smile at the memory, he rolls his eyes.
'I wouldn't be so sure' I blush. He seems happy that I was happy with the kiss... don't think he realises this is more than happy...
'Oh' he says, I don't think thats a very good response to be honest. I don't particularly care, I'm still daydreaming ^_^ he obviously can tell I'm daydreaming and finds a much better response by quite simply kissing me, I'm on fire again but I don't care. My arms are already around him, I'm loving this, again.
I pull away this time, I'm too hot. He cocks his head to the side at my heavy breathing so I try to get it back to normal.. feeling his breath on me doesn't help... he seems vaguely amused by this. He hugs me, picking me up as he does it and then leads me to the sofa where he decides to put the tv on, he knows I hate silence. I sit there, looking at him for a while, just looking and he grabs my hand. Curling up next to him I think: this is what I love, the place I love and the one person I love.
I wish, not for the first time, that I'm 3 years older as I rest my head on his shoulder...
Part 2 - weirdly, I wrote this after he left.
We're in the living room... Nessa's living room. My stomache flips when he takes my hand in his and pulls me closer so I'm almost sitting on his lap. I smile up at his twinkling eyes... Oh, those eyes... I could get lost in them... They're blue now, calm, cool, collected. I'm not 'calm, cool, collected' I'm excited... scared and.. happy. Nothing relaxed about me right now... but maybe that's a good thing!
It's funny, I've had bubbly stuck in my head all day... I've always thought of that as our song.
I shiver, it's always cold at Nessa's. He notices the coldness pass through me of course and pulls the blanket over us awkwardly while pulling me closer to him still. My lips are on his neck, my head on his shoulder... I can smell him... He smells so good... almost as good as he tastes =] I still feel him on my lips... my tongue... winding his way through me... melting himself into my heart.
Who'd have thought it would be -redacted- who would help me love? Aha, how cheesy! This is so different to what it was with Loki. I WANT him to carry on, my stomaches still full of butterflies... I love it.
He's warm as ever... Oh, my cheek is still burning from where he kissed me earlier. I don't want to think about why now.. I want to keep this feeling forever.