I am just going to say this now. While i write this, i am not asking for sympathy or anything like that. I just find writing about stuff to make me feel better and might as well use this site. Maybe if you have similar life experiences as me you could say something. That is if you want to obviously
Well where can i start with one of these things. Guess the best place i can begin is my earliest childhood memories, which not to be so great is in hospital. As a child i always walked on my toes like younger children do. This at first was only a slight concern but everyone thought i would grow out of it. As you have probably guessed i didn't. As i continued to do this my muscles didn't grow as well as the should of done and made it difficult to walk. so much so i was in hospital getting plaster on my legs in order to try and fix this problem naturally. As it continued i went into these plastic things which i cannot remember the name of which i wore during the day and took of at night. Weird getting used to them. Sadly as i was typically bullied during primary and some through my early years of secondary school it was a target for verbal abuse. I did get the nickname of robot legs or something like that. If i had that name now i thought it would of been pretty cool, but back then i really didn't like it.
As i got onto the topic of bullying i might as well continue on about it. pretty much since about year two i did become the victim of many bullies. Sadly enough most of them at points used to be friends. Like i say now you never know a person. Normally it was just verbal abuse and being quite the emotional person i am, it was fairly easy to make me cry. sometimes it did go to physical violence but if i'm honest my self esteme at that point was fairly low so i didn't care too much about it. Plus they couldn't punch very hard so it didn't bother me much at all. In the later years of primary i was quite friendly with the younger years, we got on well and even in my last year i still had a very active imagination, Again this used agaisnt me and got bullied by the people in the same year as me.
After leaving primary it was this time i was out of those plastic things and i felt great about it. haven't been in plaster since then so that went well. Just skipping most of year 7-9 because nothing much happened. I made very few friends but the ones i did we got very close. During year 9 in roughly the last part of the year, i got into an incident with the older years, which resulted in me getting strangeled by one of the higher year boys. Obiously the guy got what he desevred by my family and the school. took me a little bit to get back into the school, But i did eventually. Year 10 for me was proabably the easier years for me. Not much happened so i wont bother talking about it. However Year 11, arugably the hardest point in my life.
It started of well. During the summer before year 11 i got quite close with a new friend, her name being Lauren. During the summer, we got together. And after me messing up a few times before the school started we did break up and it was my fault at the time. Probably because this was my first ever serious relationship and i made silly mistakes but i learned and continued on. First month of the school was great. We was close and was happy, but after October things went down hill. She her ex-boyfriend split up with his newest girlfriend, and he wanted lauren back. She was crazy obssesed with him and we lasted untill november, and then after a lot of hard time, she left me for him. I swear i could never of cried harder in my time, i almost fainted cause i cried so hard. This put me into a slight depression. You know the symptoms, lonlyness, worthlessness, crying yourself to sleep, all that stuff, Things where going bad. but i will continue this part later.
During my harder times, i found one of my sorta friends but not really during primary school. Goes by the name of Kayleigh. We became very close very quickly and even to this day we almost talk every day. She is the person who listens to my woes and i listen to hers. We never really feel out from what i can remember and one we got tight, we never really stopped listening to each other.
After a while my depression got a bit worse and i ended up seeing a doctor for advice, i took a bit of consoling for advice and more or less taught me how to deal with this. Even though even now i sometimes cry about what happened or how i feel, 9/10 i can help myself.
Soon enough during janurary nearly febuary, i met another new friend. Her name being Emma. She's the girlfriend of a close freind of mine and even though the first time we met she was a bit, short for words, when we talked on facebook we instantly linked, She was always wanting to talk. and we got on very well. We don't talk as much currently but that will change during sixthform as we will go to the same sixthform.
Fast forward to more recently. a bit less than a month ago about 3 weeks. I met my good mate's girlfriend for the first time. She normaly responds to Aj, Ami being her real name. Now il be honest when i first met her i was nervous, i didn't know what she was like, but after about an hour or so, we got so close very quickly. After we spent the day on the beach with my mate and his family we added each other on facebook and skype. we talked for hours on ends for this month. And we have so much in common, so much we can relate to so our conversations are never boring.
I dunno what it is but these three people are some of the best people if not the best people i have ever met and they all make me happy in different ways.
Now back to the bad stuff. last week Kayleigh was over, things where going nice, then what i thought was my ex texting me (i had the wrong number) and for the next hour and a half i was crying my eyes out, thankfully though Kayleigh was there and she helped me out.
Even after what is nearly 9 months after my break up i still can cry for a long time about someone that cause me this damage and well you know if you have been through something like this.
On the tuesday i went to stop at Aj's place for a bit, and even though it was an awkward start for me, i got on well with everyone and had a really fantastic time, one of the more happier moments of my life with the friend i think i am the closest with right now.
Now why did i write all this. At times i get a feeling that is hard to describe, but its a mix of no real emotions, but lonliness, is there. when i don't know what to do i write stuff, draw stuff or listen to music, and this one is one i have never done before. i still feel a bit rough but doing this has helped a little bit. I still can cry to sleep at night, but not as often, these feelings do come and go at times but i handle them a bit better.
i think the last thing to say right now is, Thank you. Not just to these friends that have helped me to stop doing something stupid, but to you for reading this. i am greatfull. if you have any similar stoires you want to share, write one yourself and link me it or just do a brief one in the comment below. again i am not asking for sympathy, just giving my story to anyone who might have an intrest in this kind of thing. Thank you again and if you are going to call my a cry baby or what ever for putting this up, do it because you are entitled to your opinion, i just did this to make myself feel better. plus hardly anyone will read it anyway. Thanks again.