AGAIN, journal entry from the past.
I must accept that I am terrified of the unknown; more specifically, factors regarding the immediate and long term future that are beyond my control, from my own body and brain's functions to other people to nature to unknwon unknowns.
The one thing I will never allow again, however, is to use this aspect of my being to forgo my mission, one that has been passed down and on to me by my ancestors- to maintain and extend and glorify the family name.
Although that is the mission, I am capable of being aware of, with my limited intelligence and senses, that I may fail. No, I will do a great job of it, and make sure that my children and my family experience high quality experiences with a variety in intensity levels and breadth. I will focus especially on the variety. I will work on letting myself have many options, more than three. Most importantly, I will never go back to being a mere spectator.