I don't understand what happened. I just know I was blown away when I first saw you. Here I have to interject my thoughts and feelings at that time. I wasn't looking for anyone or anything, in-fact, I was new to the internet and new to that chat room.
I need to ask you something... why did you contact me? Do you know, have you ever asked yourself that question? I am upset but, I don't know exactly who to be mad at.. maybe you, because you side swiped me, surprised me, bowled me over, CRIMINAL! You stole my heart..
Or maybe I should be angry at God.. why Lord, would you let me fall so far, so fast, so deep, so hard? Or perhaps, myself because I am so weak for you and after all this time, you can still make me mad, sad, glad.. still pulling emotions from me that I try so damn hard to suppress.
The thing that you do so well, confuse me.. make me feel it's alright after all this time, it's going to be me and you, then you take off, retreat, ignore.. you hurt me.. my heart has running cracks and crevices, each time I think about you not being in my life, I hurt.. my heart hurts, my stomach gets tight, I feel ill and through it all, you are immune to any of it, you are immune to me..
When I am not writing, every now and then, I watch Maury Povich, oh not all of his shows but.. "You are not the father" His DNA shows.. I am always amazed at the women that have cheated with more than one man most of the time, they have good men, some of them have two or three children and none of them belong to the man they are with and you know what? He forgives her, he loves her so much, he not only forgives but accepts another mans child to be with her.. That is a wonder to me cause you see, I have a man that I love with everything that makes me, me, A man that I am faithful to, a man that I want to share my life with, a man that I would do everything, everything within my power to keep happy.. and you know what... he could care less, he knows not too much about me.. Hey, tell me, Do you remember my name? Should I become an adulteress, a liar, cheater, a whore.. would you love me then?
I dream about you, you know that don't you? Not many nights go by that you aren't here with me. In my dreams I get close to you, I get to hold you so tight, I get to breath you in, soak up the very essence that is you.. It always ends the same.. You turn your beautiful blue eyes towards me and say...... well.. it is a dream after all..