Inside this shadow

a girls life

"Don't go" I pleaded to my father about to leave and go on vacation, tears streaming down my checks.

 "Don't worry Honey, I'll be back soon I promise" he said pleadingly as though to convince himself and her.

 " O-o-o-kay d-d-d-addy" I stutered threw sobs. I gave him one last hug and kiss him rubbing his stubble agianst my check just enough so I didn't hurt but enough for it to show.

He steped out the door glancing at me over his shoulder and whispered softly " Be safe for me".

As the week wore down, I continued attending kindergarten rushing threw everyday awaiting a call from my father. The date drew closer to my birthday and I still had burning hope that the phone would ring and my father would be on the other line. Until eventually started growing hopeless and decided to step out on a limb and ask my mother.

"Mom, will dad be able to call before it's my birthday?" I asked with uncertainty in my voice

"Sure honey he will be able to call, but there's somthing else I need to tell you" she said unsurely as though she questioned the truth of her own words. " There no other way to put this, I dont think you fathers coming back".

" W-w-w-hat do you mean" I asked, never questioning that there might be a negative awnser.

 "Your father," she made a long sigh and continued "changed his mailing address far away and mail moves to where you live"

These words were said without a hint of happiness and at that moment I myself had thought that there was no possible way for there to be joy in this world. "NO!" I screamed in her face although she was the last person that I shouldv'e been blaming, "HE PROMISED ME, HE MADE A PROMISE TO BE BACK!". Before my mother could react I half-ran half-stubbled across the dull grey carpet past the dining room to slame the door of which belonged to my bedroom. I threw myself onto my bottom bunk that I shared with my brother, expecting my mother to come in.

This was the one time that I wanted to be comforted but I didn't want to have to ask, what I wanted was for my mom to come running in and sit next me rubbing my back soothing. Company never came threw the white door. From that day forward I knew I could never trust another promise for the biggest one of all had been broken by my own father.

I was never a normal kid after the news, my father called but I was unable to find words to say so I let him do the talking. I found myself with no friends in school and constantly disappointed. After school my mom would walk me home asking how school was and everyday I constantly replied "fine" although little did she know these were lies. At school I got made fun of at recess and was never good at sports like the other kids.

Years continued and still nothing had changed a few friends here and there but like everything else they had been snatched away or they grew apart from me. As the days passed I constantly wanted a father in my life and found myself often thinking I have always wanted to be daddy's little girl but it is kinda hard when you aint got no daddy. Which left me in a depressed mood.

Nine years had passed since the days of my father leaving, which an uncountable number of terrible things had happened. I had seen my mom get put in handcuffs for no reason what-so-ever, people at school didn't like me, and we had had to move two times, I was always made promises that never followed threw, but I had learned not to set myself for as much disappointment.

I woke up early that morning unable to be taken over by sleep agian. Walking sleeply down the hall way in my new house the carpet was a light brown and the walls were white which we were not allowed to touch. We were renting the house and my mom didnt want to upset the landlord by getting fingerprints on the walls. I stumbled into the pale kitchen and opened the cabnent to find Lucky Charms I grabbed the box and poured my cereal and ate in silence.

The day passed by and I had just gotten done with health. Walking in the crowded hallway I glanced at people laughing with there friends, everybody belonging to there certain clique but me walking lonely down the hallway as people glance at me with disgust or dont bother looking. I stare down but know exactly my way to my destination, core class. My tote bag that I wanted so badly before because other people had them, me trying to impress people and wishing I had just gotten a backpack, because my history book in my blue and white stripped bag weighed down on my shoulder. I walked past April and Justin as they dived on each other which I guess was their form of hugging. I open the wooden door to the class room and breath in the smell of pastels, for my teacher was an art teacher teaching language arts and history and we were taught in his art room. I grabbed my stool which was always to big for the desk while other peoples stools were perfect in size. The room was big with tiled flooring and desks were in rows with metal stools behind them.

"okay class" the teacher always began although most of the people were still in the hallway talking. As he pulled down the overhead screen with a long stick which had a hook attached to the end, the screen read get out history book and a piece of paper. I got out the requested items a little after everybody else in the room.

The rest of the people belonging to the class walked in the classroom, of course laughing. But Mr. Daweson being his usual nice person didn't mark any of them tardy, he never marked popular people tardy. He hands out P.R.I.D.E. cards (which were handed out as some sort of reward) to everybody ready for class to begin but somehow misses me, not that I wanted the dumb card but it would be nice to be noticed.

I do the history assignment in a bubble of silence, everybody outside my bubble is talking away which included nothing of the assignment, of course to be expected. Class was boring, but when was it ever not? I hand in my assignment early fully completed while everybody else begged for another day and the teacher says yes. Ending the school day came not at all quickly, I dumped everything off in my locker which was already piled a quarter full with papers. After slamming it shut I walked down toward the doors. Everybody outside are talking to each other in circles. I am forced to walk around the circles untill I get off school campus but there are always people walking slugishly slow.  And though everybody was cheerful and had been waiting for spring break forever I wasnt looking forward to it. I would probably stay inside all days of the week wanting somthing intresting to do with my time while my thoughts were all chaneled on the people who were out of state or hanging with all there friends. Which none of that I had.

The End

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