I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of being here. I'm sick and tired of being around these people and seeing all their faces again and again and again. I'm tired of seeing them just float by without a care in the world. I'm tired of seeing them move on and move forward as if it was the easiest thing to do.
I'm tired of seeing them live so free while I drown and choke on my own misery. I'm tired of seeing the blackness in everything around me. I'm tired of the pressure. I'm tired of the anger. I'm tired of the anxiety and the sadness and the loneliness and the self-hatred.
It kills me to see them just smile and laugh without pressure. I'm tired of lying and pretending like I still care what happens to me when no one else does. I'm tired of forcing myself to wake up and live every single day. I'm tired of painting on my convincing mask and taking it off only when I'm alone and no one can see how pathetic I am. I'm tired of knowing that if I told anyone of the dark clouds, they would laugh and say "Those clouds will fade away." They never do. It's been so long. So long that I don't even remember seeing the sun anymore. I've been covered in this mess of shadow for too long. I'm tired of trying to escape it. I'm tired of trying to survive it.