I'd Forgotten.

I’d forgotten.

 

I never thought I would.  I couldn’t imagine myself becoming so completely overwhelmed by such trivial nonsense that I would forget. 

 

And now I sit here, heart racing and fingers quivering, because it all seems so foreign.  This action, this state of being, which had been a second nature to me, had fallen from my grasp.  I had once decided to dedicate my entire being to this and the idea that I had stopped trying (consciously or not) terrified me more than my words can express.

 

How could it all be so lost?

Will I ever be able to find it again?

 

I shouldn’t be so scared.  Why should I be afraid of the thing that once filled me with so much life?  When did confidence and passion fade to meekness and self-doubt? 

 

Even now, as I sit in my room staring out the window, I can feel the struggle waging on inside.  The terror and the exhilaration.  The fear that questions why I’m even returning to this?  Maybe I had fallen away because it was the universe’s gentle way of telling me ‘No’.  No, I wasn’t supposed to do this.  No, this isn’t what I had once thought it would be.

 

No.

No.

No.

No.

 

Yes.

 

Maybe?

 

Possibly?

 

Yes.

Of course.

 

Because this was never going to be easy.  If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it.  

The End

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