DeservingMature

One thing I struggle greatly with is feeling like I have to deserve everything that's given to me. For example, I have a hard time accepting basically anything - from God's love to payment for photography jobs. Let me tell you - being a perfectionist is a curse
So...the message of this song is something I'm working on right now. I am not completely free of this mindset... YET. But someday, there will be victory. I just know it.

Deserving

Verse One
There I go again
Getting things I don't deserve again
Trying to avoid receiving again
Trying to earn everything again
 Maybe this time
My penance will absolve my sins
I'll earn forgiveness for my sins
Because I don't like just taking gifts

Chorus
There's a voice inside me, whispering, "Just take this now"
But I don't deserve anything, so I'll walk away without
And maybe this time, I'll earn the gifts by serving
Because without my work, there's no way I'm deserving

Verse Two
They say
It's their pleasure to give me things
But I don't like accepting things
Because frankly, I don't deserve anything
So today
I will determine not to take today
I will restrain my desires today
I will refuse to receive today

Chorus
There's a voice inside me, whispering, "Just take this now"
But I don't deserve anything, so I'll walk away without
And maybe this time, I'll earn the gifts by serving
Because without my work, there's no way I'm deserving

Bridge
Isn't it a lonely path, walking the way of perfection
Isn't it a lonely life, believing you always need correction
Isn't it wearying, to constantly try to earn what you need
Isn't it tiring and hopeless and burdensome? yes, indeed...

Chorus
But there's a voice inside me, whispering, "Just take this now"
But I don't deserve anything, so I'll walk away without
And maybe this time, I'll earn the gifts by serving
Because without my work, there's no way I'm deserving 

The End

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