University Life

University Life
and how my parents didn't prepare me well.

I'm a university student. Surprise! The more surprising part might be that I'm a fourth year. Those two words scare me to no end.

Anyways, this is a story about how my parents failed in my upbringing. They didn't give me the necessary skills to succeed in university, skills that I have needed to make up rather quickly and on the fly.

It all started when I was seven and did not get a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. Nor for my 8th birthday, nor the Christmas after that, nor for any other such gift-giving occasion thereafter. In fact, the very first gaming console I received was a Playstation Two when I was eleven. Don't get me wrong, I love my Playstation, but it isn't an N64.

Now, what does this have to do with having a less than spectacular childhood? Nothing. I had an awesome childhood. My dad introduced me to the Doom series when I was 4, and we still have the entire game on floppy (I think there are 8 installation discs).  What it does have to do with is the negative experiences I had to endure in my first year at the University of British Columbia.

Y'see, I live on residence, in a building full of other university students. In our spare time we drink. Surprise! But drinking gets old, fast. So, we invent different ways to drink. Mostly we invent drinking games, such as "Bros for Life," "Little Green Man," or "Moose." We also turn just about everything into a drinking game.

Begin scene.

I am sitting on a couch with a bunch of my friends, vodka in hand (I always drink vodka. It's expected of me). Someone has the bright idea to start a game of Mario Kart 64, a game which I played whenever I could as a child on account of my lack of an N64 at my own home. Still, it wasn't very often that I played and I hadn't picked up one of the those strange triple-horned controllers in a long time.

Suffice to say, I was terrible at Mario Kart and ended up drinking all the time, which only made me worse. Har har. Thank-you parents for raising me to be a drunkard.

I probably made a fool of myself, like the time I decided to "take a nap" in the middle of my friend's kitchen, but later change my story to say I was "stargazing." Yah, that's how awesome I am. Best excuses for inane behaviour ever.

End scene.

To rectify this lack of skill, I actually went out and bought an N64 last year, with Mario Kart. I am proud to say that, after rigorous training, I am awesome at it. I beat everyone almost all the time. I pretty much never have to drink, but I do anyways. Mad rad.

The End

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