Double description among characters

Filed under: cross character description

Found in: collaborative stories, mostly.

In the past, there has been some of this in every collaborative I've read.

When two or more authors decide to describe what their character can see, so as to avoid too much self description. The problem with this is that it makes the stories sound almost identical in some parts.
If the author begins with describing their character, and then switches to describe the other character. So that the first few lines are about them and the rest are about the other character.

Knowing that I couldn't keep quiet for long, I tried to point it out and let him know that we should move on. You could see it in the way I acted. My feet were always restless, even the military boots weren't heavy enough. My fingers played with my hair constantly, and the more nervous I became, the faster it got until I felt like I was pulling it out.
I gave him an icy glance and his sky blue eyes turned darker. He was a strange lad, anyway. Long hair and piercings everywhere. Rocker T-shirt and washed out black jeans.

Then, the other author repeats it almost exactly.

I was not the most handsome, but I knew my blue eyes made the girls weak.
The classic rock style went well along with my personality, and I loved piercings. They added to my bad guy appearance.
However, she seemed immune to it. That girl was so nervous all the time, it scared me somewhat. She looked like a punk. High military boots and dark clothes. Always walking around when she was standing, or waving her feet when she was sitting. I couldn't remember a time when her fingers weren't in her hair, she played with it all the time.
For me, she was what you would call "hysterical" girl. Too arrogant and sure of herself, and she constantly gave those ice cold looks whenever she was disagreed with.

There are probably better examples, when two authors decide to describe the same thing.

*Thanks to AutumnMay for corrections :)

The End

75 comments about this work Feed