To start off, proberly should start to post some of the things ive been writing. Been putting it off for to long time. Proberly bit unsure if what i post will be good enough, or people will like it etc.
But hey, proberly alittle rant from the last one i did. Proberly along the same lines again, but need it out, and since noone has actually bothered to say "how are you" or "how was your day" etc and i really have no idea how to actually go about just telling someone "oh you know, barely coping right now" without a promt to do so, is actually getting very annoying to me (that i just cant say those kinds of things, or people just dont seem to care), and frankly dragging me down into the self loathing pit im staring at.
I mean i guess ive been struggling with my self image at the moment for a few weeks now, the whole prospect of a new job, being alone for two weeks as i start it and change really have not helped. Im really bad at adapting to change, sure ill get there but will take some time and alot of dunno...self pity i guess to get my head into the "shut up, and get on with it. Aint all that bad" and ill be fine.
But doesnt help that people around me, that i concider a friend still, or that i care alot about are in a "meh" kind of mood, where i just dont feel like i can say these things without them shrugging or saying "not that bad". Yeah i know its not that bad, but the little things just get to me alot, and i over think things, bury, over think again untill the dam of my mind breaks and it floods out.
But also right now, i feel rather left out of alot of things. Finally kicked the WoW habbit, so alot of my social circle has just upped and vanished nolonger wanting to speak to me at all because apparently leaving means im a traitor. Or when do get talked about something going on its alot of "oh one space left...wanna fill it...never mind its gone" or "yeah but so and so is here and you two dont get on", and then comes the kicker thats proberly kicked off all this insecurity about relationship, friends, and such. 10 year school reunion happened last weekend, just afew miles down the road from me, easily walking distance, and i never got told about it...really those i went to school with i keep in semi contact with (mostly with me saying hey, whats going on etc again) and yeah not once a mention of this.
Guess what id really like, is just someone to ask me how iam doing/wanna come along without the secret guilt trap or you know failing that a proper hug would be nice to.
Yeah ill get some things posted when my confidence is back up again, and if you read this...thank you.