I have to say first of all that I have really thick skin when it comes to my dad but last week I kinda had an emotional breakdown. I usally never cry about stuff that he does to me. But I shed a few tears out of my frustration. I just bury all of my hurt and disappointment way deep down but it just came bursting out.
For the past 6 years my father has been in and out of my life. In the moments that he comes he acts like he is such a good father and that he can just call once in a while and pop in whenever the heck he wants and that I woudnt be hurt.
Over the years my dad has hurt me over and over again. Whenever I try to tell him how i feel he just takes the negitive and yells at me. These conversations never go well. In fact we just had one last night. He is such a jerkto my mom, he has no respect what so ever for her. And you think he would seeing how she was the one who gave birth to me. But no he blames her saying things like its her fault that he cant come and see me. That she never lets him call me. She has never once not let him see me. Its his own choice not to call me every night to say goodnight and to see how im doing.
My dad thinks that I am so stupid and that i dont know about the things that he has done or lied to me about. Like for instance when I was 10 years old he brought his new red neck, bright teal eye shawdow wearing hillbilly wife to meet me along with her three kids. He lied to me when he had called me that day. He said that he was coming alone. But it was lie. He has lied to me about so many things over years.
Last night he made a promise to me that he would call me every night at 7 to tell me goodnight and see how my day went. 7 was an hour and a half ago. HE broke his promise...again. But its not like its a big shocker. I remember the year of the divorce he made the same promise, I was 8 then. He kept it up for a couple of weeks, then the phone calls came less and less. I would sleep with the phone under my pillow in hopes that he would call. He hardly ever did. My father is a jerkface.
I'm glad that he is hardly here and doesnt call often because there isnt as much drama by sometimes I wish that he would the old dad again. Sometimes he slips out from this new person, but thats rare. Lets just say that he has disappointed me in so many ways.
Now I could bore whoever is reading this with a bunch of other things my dad has done to me but that would be a really, really, really, long chapter. So my rant ends here for the night.