Enclosed and Closing InMature

I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling (as most people tend not to), but I'm pretty, slightly sure its something along the lines of desperation... or cataclysmic rage. 

Without getting into too many details in the second sentence, I don't feel as though I'm going anywhere right now.

Weekday schedule:

- Wake up as late as possible
- Attend seven tedious, boring hours of school
- Do homework until sunset 
- Savor however little free time I have
- Stay up until midnight
- Wake up as late as possible

Weekend Schedule:

- Wake up as late as possible (in most cases)
- Waste the entire day doing various pointless activities
- Stay up late (or all night in some cases)
- Repeat

I've recently tried to spruce it up a bit by attending dances and going to parties, but living the way I do still feels... really hollow and dull. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something great, but at the same time I feel like I can't accomplish anything stuck in my stupid daily routines.

Bill Gates worked on computers in his spare time during teenage years and is now super-rich. Almost every musician began their journey in high school. So many influential people were essentially prodigies of their destined trades during their teenage years, and I'm stuck here watching days pass by. I've been trying to fix that, mainly through writing and looking for ways to get noticed, but its going pretty damn slow.

To add insult to injury, things aren't exactly looking stellar relationship-wise either. I spent four years of my life liking ONE girl. Recently, I stopped. I realized shortly after that my stupid childhood self really liked to waste his time on her, and I mocked him because it was super stupid. Long story short, I spent four years absolutely adoring her and now she's probably with a guy she's only talked to for a few months. This is definitely my fault, seeing as how there's a marginal difference between liking someone and going for them. By the time I did man up and go for her, I began to lose interest and went for someone else instead. Oh well, past-me, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. 

And because fate laughs at those who are optimistic, my second major infatuation shut me down hard. So now I'm not really after anyone, mostly because there's no other girl in my town of 8000 I'm really compatible with. It's not cool, bro. 

Essentially, I want something life-changing, spontaneous and incredible to happen in my life, and fast. This sense of going nowhere is seriously beginning to dig deep into my skull. 

So, thanks for reading my rant. If I'm allowed to post another, there is another topic, I'd like to touch on :P

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