It's there again. The feeling that curdles in the top of my stomach as I stare at the keyboard and screen. If I had to compare it with something real, it would be a small child that wriggles and complains as you try to put clothes on it in the morning. An altogether painful and uncomfortable experience.
I have Google loaded up so I can check the context, meaning or spelling of any word whilst I write. Usually there is someone sitting next to me, which doesn't help because they take glances as I write, and makes me feel very self-consious. I never tend to have music playing or the TV running because my dad works in the same room, and he would probably tell me to turn it off because it's bothering him.
I'm about to rip my hair out thanks to the annoying 11 year-old boy at my side. He's playing a computer game and keeps trying to be funny about what's going on, when he isn't actually funny in the slightest, just a pest (xD). I am honestly considering strangling myself with the mouse cord.
When I get on the PC, I check all my social networking accounts and then log into Protagonize. I despair at the fact everyone has written something and I have produced about 2 inches on a few things, but then continue to try and write something, either one of my works on here or another one of my projects. I can feel the looming presence of my homework, and i'm dreading it. Exhaustion is a good word.
Right, back to the actual writing (I'm rambling again!).
Words come pretty easily (Which defeats the whole purpose of writing on a Writer's Block thread! Ugh....), but when I read it back I think: 'Man, this is boring, the pace is too fast, I've used lots of big words and the way I'm showing character depth is all wrong!'
But maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo.
I'm tired (bad idea to write when you're tired), arguing with my little brother in the chair next to me, trying to avoid letting my dad see me writing (because last time he was embarrassingly elated at the fact i'm in the top 50) and attempting to conjure a misty-morning scene on a late-victorian train platform inside my head. Feelings scrawl through my brain reading 'Why am i bothering?' and 'I'll just do it later' (though I know I won't).
ARGGGGHHHHHHH *mental implosion*
Luckily, I have chocolate, books, notes and a writer's magazing explaining how to add hidden personality traits at hand. My saviour/s!
If we examine my situation, it's probably my crowded surroundings that cause my writer's block, but from a personal point of view, it's because I have no patience or staying power. So it's all my fault really. ;)
What I actually want is to have the opportunity to write whenever I like, but all my ideas come to me when I'm at school, so there is so time for developing them - and I probably won't be in the mood after a full day of working when I get home. A school holiday would be terribly appropriate right now. Being a teen at school and trying to be a writer is proving infinitely difficult.....
My main projects (I am working on a few at the same time, another major flaw) are a detective novel, a romance in-the-making and anything else that takes my fancy. Only trouble is, I'm not very good at writing and planning out a mystery novel. I have a pretty good idea who the murderer would be, and a vague inkling at how to work it out, but connecting up the clues and making it difficult to guess who the killer is will present a minor struggle on my behalf.
The romance, however, will be a considerably lighter weight. The concept of a secret, innocent teacher/student (platonic) relationship will be a little bit hard to work with, but I'm really attracted to the idea so it's worth sticking at it.
*Insert deep and heart-clenching ending right about here*
Yeah, mine isn't as good as Rich's, just to clarify that. xD