If I died, would somebody care? Sure, my parents would, my siblings would and my relatives would because they are obliged to do so. But, I am talking about the contacts that I have established, the friends that I have made and the people that I have met. Sure, for the first few days, they’ll all be like “Oh she passed away, that’s sad.” But how long will that last, a few days, a few weeks or a few months?
I have always pondered if there would be someone, maybe at least one person who misses me throughout his/her entire life. Who thinks that life is incomplete without me? Who thinks that their survival has been possible only because of me? Have I been capable of bringing about such a difference in somebody’s life? Has somebody’s existence been possible because of me? Well, apparently not, but I don’t know; only time will tell and I sincerely hope and pray that I have.
Every day of my life, I wake up with a silent determination that I shan’t hurt anybody around me morally or verbally, that nobody gets upset because of me and that I shall talk to others about their pain and miseries and relieve them. And trust me, it very seldom works. People get irritated, frustrated and agitated by me.
Death is a strange word. Everyone shies away from it even though we all know that we can’t escape it. You can talk about nearly everything to the people around you, but say the word death and that’s it, end of conversation! It is a forbidden issue, a taboo. It is scaring and horrifying to think about it.
History repeats itself. This is indeed true. All my life, the only thing that I never wanted to repeat kept on repeating itself – loneliness. No matter how hard I tried or how cool I seemed, at one point or the other, people always left me alone. I don’t know, probably it was because I was blind to those who actually cared about me. But, those who I cared about always left me with nothing but remorse and I mean ALWAYS!
It is at these times that BSB’s immortal lyrics come into my mind “Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I am leaving my life in your hands; People say that I am crazy and I am blind.”
I have been left alone, heartbroken but I still make more friends maybe only to be heartbroken again. Maybe this is just another cycle of nature that keeps on repeating itself over and over again. When will it end? No one knows!