"I'm waiting for the day when you can love again."
It's been so long since I've felt the unabashed, loving touch of a woman.
I see countless beautiful faces every day, but not a single one is for me to treasure. I resolve myself to create an imaginary woman in my mind, just so I can pretend to hold her as I fall asleep. I feel silly, childish even, for the things I desire. What college boy wants love over sex?
I've tried to be that guy. I've tried to be the emotionless player, but it doesn't work. I can't force myself to live a lie of that magnitude. I live through emotion, through the examination and structuring of various inner worlds. I can't be the only one who does this, can I? Maybe it's a weakness, the fact that I put emotion before almost everything else. Granted, I temper my emotions with a great deal of logical thought.
Shouldn't I be the shining candidate, then? I spend my time thinking about the human condition and how relationships are supposed to work, but I have so few opportunities to explore these thoughts with others, namely a significant other.
I've worked hard to make myself emotionally stable and available. My demons of the past have been dealt with, and now I am ready to share a meaningful connection with someone. But that doesn't happen on a whim, does it? I still haven't figured that one out. Finding someone isn't like buying groceries. You can't simply get them when you want them. You have to wait.
And, sure enough, I'm waiting.