Girl Crazy

"I'm waiting for the day when you can love again."

It's been so long since I've felt the unabashed, loving touch of a woman. 

I see countless beautiful faces every day, but not a single one is for me to treasure.  I resolve myself to create an imaginary woman in my mind, just so I can pretend to hold her as I fall asleep.  I feel silly, childish even, for the things I desire.  What college boy wants love over sex? 

I've tried to be that guy.  I've tried to be the emotionless player, but it doesn't work.  I can't force myself to live a lie of that magnitude.  I live through emotion, through the examination and structuring of various inner worlds.  I can't be the only one who does this, can I?  Maybe it's a weakness, the fact that I put emotion before almost everything else.  Granted, I temper my emotions with a great deal of logical thought.  

Shouldn't I be the shining candidate, then?  I spend my time thinking about the human condition and how relationships are supposed to work, but I have so few opportunities to explore these thoughts with others, namely a significant other.  

I've worked hard to make myself emotionally stable and available.  My demons of the past have been dealt with, and now I am ready to share a meaningful connection with someone.  But that doesn't happen on a whim, does it?  I still haven't figured that one out.  Finding someone isn't like buying groceries.  You can't simply get them when you want them.  You have to wait.

And, sure enough, I'm waiting.

The End

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