Who would’ve thought today would bring a miracle? It started off a perfectly normal day and then, when I least expected (and right in the middle of a quiet afternoon)… BOOM!! God did the miraculous!
What is this miracle? I’m playing again! Today I played my cello for the first time in months, and I played for nearly four hours, having a blast the entire time!! Why the sudden and complete turn-around? I have no idea! Ask God, ‘cause He seems to keep doing this in my life. I knew He would redeem everything surrounding my cello and music, but I never dreamt the change would be so sudden, miraculous, and drastic! Glory to GOD!!!
Right in the middle of my afternoon, just as I was about to tackle math homework, I was thinking. I was thinking about suffering and how the only way I could think to express its poignancy was through shedding blood. All at once something clicked in my head… that medium for me is music. I can put to words and put to expression pain through my music, something just as potent and powerful as blood. You see, I can bleed through my music…
As soon as I realized this I couldn’t get to my cello fast enough! I jumped head-first into scales and bow exercises with an urgency and wild delight I’ve never known or dreamed of before, knowing that these somewhat difficult and tedious techniques will better equip me for my mode of expression. Technique is a means by which I will learn to say and bring to life what I feel in its most clarified way. It will teach me how to bleed, laugh, dance, cry, scream, and sing in my music. Through my music I now have a way to give a voice to suffering. To suffering and to victory.
Can you believe all this? I’m free!! Free of the guilt, pressure, and obligation to play! I’m playing now because I want to!! Not because I’ve grown up in a musical family, not because mom wants me to or dad wants me to, not because that’s what everyone expects… I’m playing now simply because I want to!!!
If all this, this complete turn-around and revelation isn’t a miracle I don’t know what is! God has redeemed, just like He said He would!
I’m FREE!!! I’m FREE!!!! I’M FREEEE!!!!!