I have nothing to write. Other then this: I never want to hear anything about eating ever again in my entire life! I’M FINE, OK?!!! Some days I everything in sight and other days I can’t eat at all, but at least they balance each other out.
I’m a real coward, you know? A loser, no lie… I’m scared to feel, scared to believe, scared to love, scared to really care or, more than that, be cared for. I don’t want people to love me. And even though I know the truth is that I don’t have to have problems for my family and friends to love me, I don’t want to believe it for whatever reason. And even though I don’t have any hurts or needs, I know I should just go to counseling to gain as much wisdom as possible from the counselor.
I know all the answers. And before you think that’s all conceited and everything, what I mean is that I know the truth and I know what I should be doing. There is no excuse at all for me, my thinking, and the resulting behaviors.
Alright, from here on out I need to just stop thinking of food altogether.
And I’m so sinning; I’m placing my demands of myself higher than God’s demands on me. I must be my own idol or something.
I think I’ve died…