What have I done? Where did I go wrong? I’m so scared. I must not be trying. I’m not even alive but I keep breathing. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong… except I know I’m doing everything wrong. When I surrendered to God it must not have been with all my heart. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.
This is all just something I’ve conjured up and imagined. It’s not really real, it’s all in my head. What is real is that I’m freed from the bondage of sin and am under grace. I am a child of God, an heir to God, and joint heirs with Christ. And what is real is that sooner or later I’m gonna have to wake up and act my age instead of this stupid, attention-seeking two-year-old nonsense. I’m not a little girl anymore, there’s none of that being held, loved or listened to stuff anymore. Get over it, Carmen. You only think you need it, but you don’t really.