Sunday, February 20th, 2011Mature

I don’t have an eating disorder.  Or do I?  If I do, it’s self-inflicted and self-perpetuated.  The thing is, I keep thinking the only thing that gives me reason to be helped is an ED.  But that’s so bogus ‘cause literally everyone has some sort of eating disorder and theirs are actually real and unasked for.  Mine?  Well, if I do actually have one it’s not real, not real enough to recover from in any case!  I could stop purging if I wanted to.  I could probably eat normal, healthy meals if I tried harder.  If I gave this all to God, surrendered my eating to Him, I know these “problems” (so called) would resolve.  So why won’t I?  It’s sin completely.  Besides that, I owe my family happiness ‘cause they have to live with me.  I should at least exert all my power to act happy so they can quit caring, worrying, and being concerned, not to mention stop being hurt by my sin.

            Oh goodness, I wish I were thin.  But that’s what everyone wants.  I’m no different than all the rest; everyone hates their body, everyone thinks they’re fat and ugly, everyone’s obsessed with their body image, everyone is depressed and everyone is hurting.  So what on earth is the use of “getting better” if everyone is sick around me?  How unfair!

            And I know the answer to all of this is Jesus.  He is the Healer, the Savior of mankind.

            Maybe I really am insane.

            I am not taking any sort of pill.

            Furthermore, I’m FINE!!!

            I don’t have an ED!!!

The End

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