Who am I trying to fool? I’m running from God. Yes, running while yet I praise Him. Running because I’m terrified of being loved. I know for a fact that I’ll disappoint Him. I can’t bear the thought of letting Him down, or even worse, of shaming His beautiful name.
Or perhaps I’m running because I refuse to obey. I am called to examine myself, but I won’t. It’s confusing to me because even though it’s the right thing to do it feels like selfishness, though the opposite is true. The awful thing is that I’m fine with knowing that right now I’m being incredibly selfish. See, by not letting myself be loved and not actively taking my negative thoughts captive, those who love me suffer and hurt in addition to myself. So WHY don’t I care?!! What in the world is wrong with me?
“Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?” (Romans 9:21)