Sunday, September 19th, 2010Mature

A plan, A plan – Mom keeps talking about “a plan”.  Doesn’t she know I already have one and I’m trying to carry it out? 

            “I would suggest weighing yourself every once in awhile, just to make sure you’re staying at a steady weight”.  Mom, how could you think that?  Don’t you know I weigh myself everyday and what makes me happy is to see that I’ve lost weight?  Don’t you know my plan is to lose weight?  I can’t stop now…

            I can’t stop until I prove to myself that I’m not making all this up in my head.  And my only proof of anything right now is my weight!  Don’t you understand?  There’s condemnation everywhere I turn.  I can’t move.  I’m being crushed from all sides.  And it’s all, all my fault…

            I am afraid to move.  I am afraid to think.  And talking about this to anyone is not even an option, so don’t even go there, Carmen, you life-sucker.

            Withering away is better than dumping any burdens on anyone and inconveniencing their life.  People have way enough problems of their own without adding your supposed “problems” to the pile.


I cannot break

I cannot fall

I cannot let you see

Past this wall

Of lies

I will not speak

I will not cry

I will not burden you

I’ll not rise

My eyes

The End

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