A plan, A plan – Mom keeps talking about “a plan”. Doesn’t she know I already have one and I’m trying to carry it out?
“I would suggest weighing yourself every once in awhile, just to make sure you’re staying at a steady weight”. Mom, how could you think that? Don’t you know I weigh myself everyday and what makes me happy is to see that I’ve lost weight? Don’t you know my plan is to lose weight? I can’t stop now…
I can’t stop until I prove to myself that I’m not making all this up in my head. And my only proof of anything right now is my weight! Don’t you understand? There’s condemnation everywhere I turn. I can’t move. I’m being crushed from all sides. And it’s all, all my fault…
I am afraid to move. I am afraid to think. And talking about this to anyone is not even an option, so don’t even go there, Carmen, you life-sucker.
Withering away is better than dumping any burdens on anyone and inconveniencing their life. People have way enough problems of their own without adding your supposed “problems” to the pile.
I cannot break
I cannot fall
I cannot let you see
Past this wall
I will not speak
I will not cry
I will not burden you
I’ll not rise