I thought that writing this may calm me down and stop me having a panic attack.
I have to leave in half an hour to go to the house of a boy I don't know, to mingle with 4 other boys I barely know and a girl that used to be my best friend but now isn't.
I am terrified.
I thought I'd got over my social anxiety. I went on my silver DofE expedition, and it was fine and I didn't panic even though I was away from home for 2 nightts surrounded by people. Some of them were even the same people I should be meeting up with today.
Yet as I am typing my heart is hammering and I can't breathe and I'm crying and I can barely see the keyboard. But I keep typing because it controls my thoughts a little.
I'm so weak. Mentally, I'm so weak. I can't even go for an hour out with only 6 people. And I'm only going for an hour, because I knew it would be too much otherwise. How can it still be too much? How? They're such nice people, how can I be so terrified?
I am pathetic.