I should be asking God for what He promises me: an entirely new start.
A brand-new, blank page.
A fresh start.
As though all my past sins have never, ever been committed.
As though He will not just remove my sins from me, but cast them into an ocean of complete nonexistence.
After all, Isaiah 43:25: "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." And "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
What I especially love about the second verse is the exclamation point Paul (the writer) includes at the end. The old has gone, the new ishere!Because Paul truly grasps what the reality of God's forgiveness, freedom, and redemption is: God hurls our sins so far from us that, in His eyes, we have never even committed them.
My mind flashed back to the beautiful, glorious chapter of Galatians 5, in which Paul (again) discusses people whose race of faith (in other words, their running toward the ultimate prize of faith and salvation and Heaven) was interrupted. He talks about people who begin as passionate Christians...and then get distracted by their sins and their petty arguments and their shortcomings and all the various trappings of life.
In my running toward God, I have been stumbling. I have come across stones in my pathway that the devil, other people, and even I myself have placed there. I have started running down other paths that God hasn't designated for me, and as soon as I get back on the path of faith, I get distracted by yet another pretty thing by the side of the road. In this race, I have recently fallen down and raged at God when I scrape my knees on the ground. And I have even thought about turning back and running right back to where I came from, the place from which God rescued me.
I felt God's voice in the way that you don't understand unless you've given your life to Him and know Him well enough to recognize it. Start over. Start the race again.
Chest heaving, I stretched out my arms as I walked. I'm starting over, God. Give me a clean slate. I want to start over.