First loveMature

This is something I wrote at 5:30 yesterday morning about the girl who made me fall in love for the first time and then stole my heart.

I miss the way your hair smells and I miss the way you laughed to loud and I miss the way you kissed my face until I looked like a preteen that didn't know how to apply foundation correctlyI miss your heart and I miss your mouth I miss the way you made me feel so special and I miss feeling like I could take all your stress away I hate still seeing a future with you because it's like holding onto your firstborn knowing your an unfit mother I miss feeling like I was enough for you and I miss sleeping next to you I hate that I can't tell you how I feel anymore bc I have so much stuck in my voice box that will never be released. I miss showing you my poems for you and I wish that you were still my biggest fan because now I feel like everything I write is garbage waiting to be picked up in the morning I wish I didn't feel so annoying writing this and I wish I didn't feel like if I told you any of these things it would be a waste of time. I miss you thinking I was beautiful and I miss believing you actually thought I was at one point. I've never been one to self pity but fuck this hurts and I don't think I deserve to feel this way. I miss you. I miss the way you laughed at my jokes and I miss you coming to me when you felt like everything was falling apart. I wish you saw me as a piece of art rather than a wall preventing you from getting somewhere in life. I miss you I wish you understood me when I said I'd be there for everything. I would have put up with the days of not seeing each other so that you could make the money to put towards yourself. I felt lonely. I really did. But it wasn't so bad because I still had you. I still fucking had you and I still saw you being there when I was going to do great things for myself. I wish you wanted to be there for me the same way I wanted to be there for you.I wish you were still here. I wish you didn't let me say okay and I wish you didn't have to make me feel like that was the only option. I didn't want to be in your way. I wanted to encourage you. I wish I could unmeet you because although you gave me the best 7 months of my life, this feeling is so unbearable and I want to erase every trace of you.But the shitty thing is, some part of me doesn't. Some part of me wants to keep holding onto the thought of us because it was  a beautiful thought. Life was so much better with you.I wish you felt the same.I miss you so bad. 

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