Fear+ Death+Fear of Death+Worry

It's 9 p.m. and my mind is rambling

Hi everyone!

This is nothing simple. But, I'm wondering if the title tells otherwise.

Anyways, I was just thinking a while ago. Maybe it's more like wondering, about worrying, and fear. Then I thought "Well, some people fear death right?" and it made me question "why?" 

To some people, I wonder if this is a touchy subject. It's a bit difficult for me, because it's something that is normal for me. But I understand, people have different experiences with this.

I mainly question, when it comes to death, "how the heck will I die?" ! And this is it. I would think "well, let it be peaceful" hee hee

I'm serious. This is as far as my worries go. I do not question "where will I go?", "will it be a bad place?" this does not boggle my mind one bit.

I use to go to church often as a little girl. However, I would always fall asleep in church. I know it sounds bad. But honestly, I would always think "well, why is God only in this one place? He could be anywhere, at anytime right?" and it makes me think, well, if that is not the case, then why do people pray at home, and never travel the extra distance, before going to bed each night, to pray at church?

I've become quite interested in religions. Such as, why do people fast? Of course, I don't want some opinion. I want answers. Such as "it is based from this", not "Because that's what you're suppose to do!"

Now, when some people think "death", does "fear" arise? This, I wonder why. Why are you fearing something that hasn't even happened yet??

When I worry about things, I think "why the heck am I worrying about this?", and I would answer to myself "well, because I'm a worrying person." and then I'd go "well, why?" and I wouldn't know how to answer it. Then, by that time, I would have stopped worrying for those few seconds about that problem, and begin worrying about why I don't know why I'm worrying in the first place.

I'm human. Yes! We worry a lot. We judge a lot too. Sometimes I wonder if we know we're doing this. Take a second, and stop worrying!

Lately, I have been thinking "well, I can't play the Sims (I love the sims) because I need to be something more", and then I would think to myself "well, you are working 3 days out of the 5 days you are going to school. You are also studying very hard to get A's and B's, and you've listened to your friend complain about what she should spend  her money on, and yet, you are feeling guilty about playing a pc game. Chill!!" 

Yes, I'm like this to myself. I feel guilty beside my worrying.

It's like Guilt and worry have married each other and had a baby. My mind is the baby!

So, before I joined this website, I was worrying! Yes, I was worrying! I thought:

"Well, if I join this website and type a story, how will I be assured that people will view my stories."

And then it hit me. I was worrying about whether people would notice me on this website or not. Talk about egotistical views! 

It does not matter! That does not matter. You place yourself under a huge microscope. When yo stop worrying about whatever it is your are worrying about, when you face it, and keep beating the crap out of it, you will become more and more of your true Self.

Who cares what someone thinks? Think of it this way, if that person were you, and someone was talking about that person, wouldn't it seem like deja'vu that that person would be worrying about what the other person thinks of them? And then it would never end if everyone was worrying. But eventually someone would stand up and see this and say "what the heck!" why not let that person be you.

It's become so huge. Like, I read an article that a person wrote (while browsing the web) questioning if everyone has lost originality. I don't think so. No. I don't believe this is possible. 

It's not "lost", it's there. It's just that they pushed it away. Here's what I think. When something comes out, a person thinks "wow, that's great. I like it!" and decided to copy it. Because they like it. And then someone else see the person with that, and say "hm...that's interesting" and then they copy it. Imagine this for a few months. Everyone is copying it. Then, one person steps out and says "well, this is boring now :/" And decided to do something different.

However, now that things have become "This way" with what everyone likes, if someone does something different, it's not normal. 

The people have originality, however, they like it, and decide that they'd rather follow what they like. It's not wrong. But yes, it does get boring and pretty annoying after a while. 

But it's not wrong. Just think of it this way, they are in a play, and they just don't want to stop playing the character that they are playing. And some of us are just sitting back like "yea, any day now, you'll take that off after you get bored", because they will eventually do so. 

Some people will yell at them for continuing to wear the costumes. "Hey hey! You're an idiot! Why are you still wearing that? That's not who you are!"

If you don't believe me, go to Youtube right now, and type in Magibon, and look at the comments. 

Those are the people I think people would call "haters". I just think they are wasting their time. 

I have a short temper, so it just irritates me a little that they feel the need to shout. So noisy.

Well, I'm done rambling. ^^ If you've made it this far....you're awesome!

G'night~★

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