Fear and blood, facing life in the darkness.Mature

By Anthony Sicilia


…Table of Contents…



Acknowledgements     4-8

Prologue     11-13


Chapter 1 – The day my life began   14-16


Chapter 2- Seven years of hell  18-24


Chapter 3- Camp Central Perth V/S broken legs  26-31


Chapter 4- Against the ropes, cheating death   33-38


Chapter 5 – Looking into deaths eyes  40-46


Chapter 6 – Inside my head 48-67


Chapter 7 – Pads, Pucks and soccer balls 68-78


Chapter 8 – An old man’s time has come 80-82


Chapter 9 – Suicide ropes, bullets and knives  84-86


Chapter 10 – Trouble in paradise 88-89


Chapter 11 - Wanting a new beginning 90-93


Chapter 12 – Taking my faith to a whole new level 95-101




Written for nana




A heartfelt thank you goes out to all the people that gave me the confidence needed to write my life biography.

Nathan Innes, Ryan Scott, Brandon Narhgang Cesare Paola, Susanne Paola, Carmine & Marlene Paola. Very special thanks go out to all of the members of Teen Daily Deviational Ministry, my dad, Luana Paola, God and too the many others who helped me with this book I appreciate it all the more. It’s certainly people like you have made my hopes and dreams into a reality.  People like you make such dreams become realized and it’s because of all of the tremendous support I’ve gotten that makes my goals possible.  Honorable mention goes out to Jennie Badger and Melanie Laurier for providing with such unbelievable inspiration, courage and friendship. There really should be more people out there that should follow in your footsteps. I would also like to thank Dan Brown, R.L. Stine, Robert Munch, and David Pelzer, Daniel Day Lewis for his performance in “My Left Foot” Christy Brown, Metallica and The Casting Crowns, Reva Weeks.   I wanted to give special thanks to the authors mentioned above separately.



First off, I’d like to thank Dan Brown for his writings in The Da Vinci Code. You really inspired al lot of conversation about religion, good or bad it always is great too talk about religion.  The Da Vinci is a great book no matter what the critics say. I feel very proud to be one of many thousands that have read The Da Vinci Code. I feel very honored to been so inspired by such an awe inspiring book, thank again


Secondly I’d like to thank R.L. Stine for his awesome, creepy, fascinating, imaginative creativity; it was your great Goosebumps series that eventually made my imagination go crazy.  Your sense of good clean horror seemed to make reading so much fun. I think all my friends can also agree with me on that.


Thirdly I’d like to thank Robert Munch for writing such great books. It was days in the school library that I could just pick up a book of yours and just become one of the characters.


Next I would like to thank Dave Pelzer for his heart compelling book, A child called it. For me to write that book I believe it took so much courage to write a book like that, you have no idea how many were heart wrenched by your life story. Your words touched a lot of people.


I’d like to thank Daniel Day Lewis, for his compelling performance in my left foot as Christy Brown. It was your performance that really gave me some personal drive. I did watch my left foot when I was much, much younger. I was urged by my father to watch it. All watching it when I was younger I didn’t really understand the meaning behind the story, it wasn’t years later that watching your portrayal of Christy Brown really made me examine my life, it made me value what I had. Of I do struggle with muscular cerebral palsy but it was the movie that really made me push my life in life, it made search for my full potential. “My Left Foot” become my inspiration for many years and it still remains to this day. It is the reason I would like to turn my book into a film, I just hope my story captures the hearts of millions.



I’d also like to thank Christy Brown, for providing inspiration, courage and knowledge about Cerebral Palsy. Christy   you and I aren’t so different you wrote your story and I have a passion to write mine.  It’s a strange topic when you talk about cerebral palsy because many people that cerebral palsy has it in many different situations and conditions.  Christy Brown was a true pioneer of inspiration. I would be remiss if I did thank him for his great will power and his seemingly tasteful outlook on life. So again thank you Christy.   To quote Christy he goes on in saying “You will see the forces that form my artwork.”  To me writing is my art.



I like to thank the band Metallica for allowing me to escape in your music through my time of anger and bitterness.

Casting Crowns I’d like to thank you for providing me with a way to believe in Jesus again. You reassure my faith every moment that I listen to your songs.


Lastly I’d like to thank my friend Melanie, for me to say friend is a true honor. What can I say about her that’s not positive there are a million things? On the other hand there are a million things wrong with me.  She’s going to think I’m nuts but in my opinion she has what every living being dreams about a good heart.   In my opinion I think everybody in the world should be her friend, they should feel lucky too. She spoke to me when no one would listen. She became my hero. Having her as a friend surely has to go down in history as “the greatest friendship that I’ve ever made.”


Mostly I’d to thank all of you! EVERYBODY…………. People like Nathan Innes, Ryan Scott, and Brandon Narhgang, Cesare Paola, Susanne Paola, Carmine and Marlene Paola, dad, Teen Daily Devotional Ministry, Jennie Badger, Melanie Laurier and once again Dan Brown, Dave Pelzer, Robert Munch, R.L. Stine,  Luana Paola, Daniel Day Lewis. Christy Brown, Metallica, The Casting Crowns the word INSPIRATION is a perfect description. Its you that define the word inspiration. With out your support there would be no book, without your support there would be no interesting life for me.  You’ve all have seen me bleed physical and emotionally. It’s people like all of you that lent me your hand when I was down. To all the authors thank you again, you provided me with a way to escape my sometimes dark world.


Many of you are proud of my accomplishments throughout life. You say that urge all of you to look deeper in yourselves because I provide real encouragement and inspiration to a lot of people, but what you fail to realize is….. I am just a man with hundreds of answers and a million questions. Many people say they stand before in honor. In truth a stand before them on a journey of inspiration and if they’d take my hand I’d show every last one of them the inspiration they give me.

I  would also like to thank my friend Reva Weeks she has shown me the utmost understanding and has shown me great compassion, I don't think I would be here any longer I had not met her. When all the world had looked their noses down upon me she was one person I could always count on for great respect and a great sense of caring. Their has been numerous people to look down on me too many to name. For the sake of this book I will not mention any names in doing so those people could still have some dignity. When the whole world was busy spiting in my face, Reva did the complete opposite I guess she saw something in myself that nobody ever really took the time to see. I don't claim to know exactly how life is its a mystery even to me. Even to me I'd have to say God works in mysterious ways. Sharing friendship is like as if I  was sharing a friendship with God.   Sometimes God speaks to people and some people are just to blind to see it for themselves. I think my friendship with Reva was sent by God to reassure my belief in him. I don't know why Reva and I get along so wonderfully but like I said before God works in mysterious ways. If a friendship with  Reva was sent by God then I thank God for finally sending a signal, I thank god for saving me with a friendship like I have with Reva, I thank Reva fir accepting my friendship and making it so worth while. God and Reva give me hope when the lights go out.






Inspired by a true story, of past and present memories








Now many people who know I am writing a book always ask me the same questions. How on earth could I possibly write a book about my life at such a young age? I am still very young and I have yet to experience life to the fullest. I just simply smile and say to them its not the age that gives you the right to write a book it is the life lessons that you learn along the way that really truly count. “Heck if it is only age that matters to write a book then I should be 60-70 years old.”  I considered the real reason I wanted to write this book was never really discovered, until I could find myself spiritually. Only then would I know the full meaning of the importance to write this book instead of just bits and pieces like a puzzle. That exact reason is that so I could share my life experiences with the world and tell them about my cerebral palsy. I think there are nothing more meaningful then a true story of inspiration.  So that maybe one day fifty years from now my story can inspire individuals and also the world. My cerebral palsy may have made me physically weaker but it gave me a very strong mentality, a mentality that made me push through any pain without giving up even when I wanted too.


As people say if you loose one senses all your other senses become heightened, for me that is where my strength comes from.  I was chosen for a mission; don’t think for one second that if I had to go through it again I wouldn’t because I most definitely would.  This is my cursed gift and even though it doesn’t define me, how I handle myself and my situations is what defines me and who I become in the future.  This is the utmost true reason why it was so important for me to write and share the story of my pain and sacrifice.  I say cerebral palsy is my curse and my gift, simply because it is just that. It’s true what they say with great power comes great responsibility. (Spiderman) God could have saved me if he wanted to but really where’s the fun in that?  God may have taken away my ability to walk straight but he gave me two other gifts I treasure even to this day. He gave me the gift of courage and creativity.  He also gave me a truly unique gift a gift of friendship, eventually that friendship would change my life. God gave me friendship in the form of Nathan, Ryan, Brandon, Blaze, Beven etc. Most of all these five friends would help me define my abilities; they saw something inside of me that no-one else had ever seen. They made me truly believe in God.  I thank God everyday for the friendships I have received in my life. I may have touched a lot of people just by listening to them; I’m most thankful for the friendships that have touched me, because those are the kinds of friendships that inspire people and give them motivation to pursue great goals in their lifetime.


Thank you to Nathan who really believed I had a future in writing even when others didn’t. Thank you to Ryan and Brandon for the wacky stories and good times. Thank you to Beven and Blaze who took me under their wing and treated me like their own brother.  That is was because of the five of you that have made my vision as a writer so clear and so joyful, that it’s been one hell of a ride.  This is my way of expressing my gratitude towards of you. Really I can’t express how thankful I am for the impact you’ve all had on my life, in your own unique way. Now I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I sure hope all of you stick around and find out.  That’s the real gift god gave me, six friends who truly believed in me and who saw a future in me long before there ever was one.



Chapter 1

Anthony Sicilia

The day my life began



Chapter 1 The day my life began




It all started on May 26, 1985, at 3:00pm at London Ontario Children’s Hospital. My mother was deliver twins, myself and of course my brother Angelo. We were really tiny babies because we were born seven weeks premature, I was 3lbs and 13 oz and Angelo was 3lbs. Angelo and I were placed in incubators due to our small size. Shortly after the nurse that was watching I had turned off my oxygen and left the room, she went to assist the other doctors with my brother Angelo.  He had tremendous problems breathing. When my father came into see me he was shocked by he was seeing. My face was like the colour of a blueberry. My father went completely mad racing around to find nurses to find out what was wrong with me, when the nurse saw my face she cried out “Oh, My God.” When my father asked what was wrong me, the nurse replied “we are short of staff therefore there isn’t enough nurses to tend to your sons needs. When the doctors finally got to me I was placed on a deliberator so that the doctors could revive me. I was clinically dead for five minutes; I was placed in the I.C.U. (Intensive Care Unit for two months where I was under intense watch to see if I could survive the accident.  Five months later the doctors told my parents that because of the neglect /miss-communication by the hospital a certain amount was cut off to my brain. The doctors then told my parents that there are many diverse forms of cerebral palsy, for instance mental illness and not fully brain function. However there is always the physical kind where the physical terms of C.P. don’t do any damage to my mental capacity it would however effort my bone structure and full control of my hip joints. My father replied “you killed my son and you tell me not to worry, when I saw his face turn blue it was the most frightening thing I have ever seen in my life.”     In the months ahead my father was forced to quit his job at (FAG Barings) in order to take on the responsibilities of my needs.







My parents afterwards moved to Sebringville Ontario, it was a little village with the population about 500.My family consisted of my brother Michael, myself, my brother Angelo and my sister Sara. My family tried so hard so that walking for me wouldn’t be a big problem. I had scheduled appointments to travel back and forth to London three times a week for the next few years, in dealing with my therapy. I must have gone to London 620 times to The Thames Valley Children Center before I even started school. My therapists name was Ellie O’Connor, I did every kind of physical exercise possible, leg squats, and forcing my legs out with an elastic band I did any type of exercise that would re-enforce the strength in my legs so I could have the proper stability walking.  If anyone asked my dad to this day he would say “going to London was like living in our car.” We were on the road so much, stopping to eat sandwiches, pizza and drinking bottles of orange juice. I never told anybody this but I thought going to London was the only time me and my dad could ever see eye to eye, just me, my dad and the open road. It was a two hour trip so we talked often.   London became like a second home to me a home I wanted no part of. I was very tired of traveling two hours to London three times a week to up with therapists and surgeons. The visits increased as time went on. Checking my bone structure, being x-rayed so much. Being stretched out like I was a rubber band; it was amazing to me how much I could bend my body in different ways that would make anybody’s stomach turn. I was like a lab rat to them they were always checking on me and my progress.




Many dollars went into the visits to London. $5.00 for parking, $ 3.00 for leaving not to mention the tremendous amount we spend on food, it was surprising to me how we never went broke.  All the doctors cared was getting paid and they loved me because we threw away money to them like it was nothing. I think that’s why they could ever fully fix my problem because they knew if they did they would eventually loose money.



Chapter 2

Seven years of hell                                                    Anthony Sicilia



Chapter 2 Seven years of hell





The school I first liked was Central Perth Elementary School.  I was seven years old. I did not know it yet but that school would change my life for better and for worse.   When I attended class at Central Perth the teachers had a very time reading my writing as a result of this I failed my assignments, the school was very determined that I did not fail, so they did they next best thing they went to the board of education and got me a grant for a personal computer.  I used the computer to type out all of my assignments. It made a dramatic change in my grades. What I really enjoyed in class was our creative writing assignments; It was something I really seem to excel at.  I really had a creative imagination. The only problem was finding a crew with an imagination as crazy and as out of this world as my mind was.  I was a very enthusiastic student when it came to writing. When the opportunity came knocking I talked to my friends Ryan, Nathan and Brandon. Some of the fictional stories we wrote were called, Canadian Ninjas, Golden Gloves, The magic sword and the nighthawk. Just to name a few while we worked on the stories we each had different jobs in dealing with the stories. Nathan worked on the editing, while Ryan and Brandon provided the stories with comic relief, as I focused on the writing. I’m not going to lay we were dam good at writing the stories. We could beat out anybody; we were truly and utterly unstoppable. Many times we were faced with the biggest challenges and we always came out standing tall and very proud of our accomplishments. I think the reason why we were all so interested in writing is because we were all fascinated by the Goosebumps series. Written by R.L. Stine, some of the books we really got into were “Say cheese and die, Piano lessons can be murder and the night of the living dummy. I’m not why we like his books if I was to take a guess it would have to horrific but yet tasteful imagination, we all thought R.L. Stine was great   because we all thought we had the same type crazy imagination. The stories that got me interested were sports bios; I used to go to the library three or sometimes four times a day to read about hockey, soccer and baseball.  Some of the bios I loved to read about in Hockey were about Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemiuex, Patrick Roy, Scott Stevens, the list goes on and on. There’s only two things that I cared when reading Baseball books that was The Toronto Blue Jays and of course Babe Ruth. In soccer I studied the history of Italy’s national and league teams.





When I wasn’t reading about sports I was reading my favourite children’s book by my favourite author Robert Munch and his classic book 40 below 0. When I wasn’t in the library feeding my fetish for sports I was in music class. (My favourite school subject) Ha, Ha, Ha! Yeah right. Our teacher Mrs. Robins was how you say, a little wound up.  Her favourite song for us to sing was songs like Rocking’ Robin, This Land is Our Land, Ms. Mary Mac. The vocal exercise we would do really got rather annoying you’d have to sit there for twenty minutes and go A, E, I, O, U. you think she would be finished but oh no that was only the beginning. She made us sing lower and higher these notes Doe, ray, me, fa, so, la, ti, doe. We didn’t help our own situation though we were a bunch of badasses; everybody in our class knew we did not really want to be there. So we did the next best thing we threw paper at each other and we loved to interrupt Mrs. Robins, to us it became like a game.   The most memorable moment I have of our music class is the way Mrs. Robins sang, she thought she was on Broadway or even in some sort of Opera.  She sang so high we sometimes plugged our ears. If I had to summarize what her singing was like it would have to be going into the church of a coloured neighbourhood and hearing the church vocal

s sing to the heavens everyday. Singing for me didn’t stop she cast me into The Mary Poppins where I played a silly little man singing with the rest of the town. My embarrassing night didn’t end there Ms. Robins was so impressed with my singing so much that after the play was done she picked me up and introduced me to her family. I seriously thought she was going to adopt me on that night, I was so scared.




For my second part of the school year I took a leave of absence so that I could have surgery.

This page is very difficult for me to write because I was taken in and out of school because of my many surgeries. Now I had my first in school surgery when I was nine years old.  It involved with the doctors cutting behind my legs and lengthening my hamstrings. Standing for my after the surgery was very painful because no-one understood the kind of pain I was in, I felt like Stretch Armstrong. As my therapy got more intense I got more and more stubborn. Tell everyone to leave me the hell alone” because I was exhausted was screaming in pain so much that many times I was ready to pass out. I raised all kinds of hell so that I wouldn’t have to go through the pain anymore. Even though I didn’t want to I knew I had too if ever I wanted a chance to fix myself up. I had to lay in a body cast for three months which was very difficult for me when I had to sleep.


When I returned to grade four I returned to a rendition of “Jerry Springer.”   My friend Beven was feuding with our classroom and gym teacher Mr. Cleland Beven was asked to participate in prison ball our classes’ favourite game. Which Beven chose not to

It was a sport I rather enjoyed playing whenever I played it I got very motivated and strongly competitive. Dodging, diving and running around it were as if I was born to play the game. The people in my class were amazed at how I was never caught. Meanwhile Beven was still refusing to participate in prison ball. Mr. Cleland then got very angry stopped the game and made us march back to the classroom one by one. Mr. Cleland then shut the classroom door then said and I quote: You are the worst bunch of students I have ever taught; you have no respect for anybody. ”You will never get anywhere in life.”  After that he got really frustrated and threw a chair across the room. We all looked at him like; Dude what’s wrong with you?  Another class that brings up familiar memories of Grade four is grade four French classes with Mrs. Stuart; she was the easiest going teacher.  Anybody could away with anything in class; it was like the Canadian version of Jerry Springer. What I mean by that is there was so much going on that Mrs. Stuart never even cared to look. For me I knew I could get away with so much and I took full advantage of that. Grade four is when I started my school rampage, fighting etc. The most memorable battles I had been with a kid by the name of Brent Nurse. Now I used to fight Brent Nurse simply because there was pure fury there but in a competitive way. Some of classic fights happened with me jumping over my desk, and launching myself in the air to attack Brent. Punching him, kicking him it didn’t matter it happened every French class and Mrs. Stuart was totally unaware of this. I have to admit that having Mrs. Stuart no not know about our was just the sweetest thing ever. For the people in class who weren’t cheering for the fight, well the other members of our French class would spit spitballs at the blackboard. Of course Beven and Blaze took all the blame for it.  Mrs. Stuart always wrote their names down on the blackboard, Heck she must have written their names up there over 200 times. She always said “boys stop horsing around, or you’re going to the office.” My fights with Brent were always in full view of the teacher. I hated Brent so much that during our class spelling test the next day I wrote I hate Brent Nurse over 1000 times.  I’m here to tell you that 100% true.

For the better part of grade five I was in hospital due to surgery. The doctor’s idea for the second surgery was that he decided he would break my hips and re-enforce my hips with steel plates. Yes it did cure my cerebral palsy I walked straight for one and I’ll tell you walking straight was great for me, it was a thrill for me. I thought everyone that had the opportunities to walk straight took that for granted. I thought this because the people that didn’t have problems with their lives took walking straight for granted. For me when I walked straight I was out walking everyday and recuperating. I always thought for those people that took walking right for granted were the people that never lived their lives to the fullest.  The following year I had a scheduled appointment to get the steel plates removed. Which I very frustrated, it begged me to ask questions to myself like if he cured my cerebral palsy why would he want to remove the plates. Now from that surgery I have 4” scars down the sides of my legs. Which to me is a constant reminder to me of the pain I overcame?   After the surgery I vowed to myself never to return to the hospital again.









As I continued to battle my cerebral palsy, I was unaware but there was a war coming my way. I had to quickly come face to face with my demons. This war I dealt this with is the war of food. This eating disorder I fought and bled for four years.  The real reason why I had an eating was unknown even to me, I truly don’t know why I struggled with an eating disorder I was just never hungry as a young child.  There was even a time I chose not eating for three days straight. After that my parents became very concerned with my health, I was taken to many diverse dietitians I was placed on every kind of milkshake that would make me gain weight.  I was on ensure, homo milk and I was even placed on a fiber diet. None of them had much success, so my social worker at that time suggested I take this protein shake that body builder’s use. Mass 2500 that seemed to help a lot but before then things were looking bleak for my in general.  I was taken in an out of the hospital for being very malnutrition.  Sometimes my parents were worried that I would not make through the night. Many times I’m sure the first thoughts running through the minds of my parents were what morning will Anthony not wake up.?  In short form from age 9-13 I weighted anywhere from 30-45lbs. I know this frustrated my parents I took a lot of healthy punishment. As people say no good deed goes undone.  When I got into grade six I suffered the most embarrassing moment ever. My mother wrote a note to my teacher and he had the nerve to read in front of the whole class. The note read, “Could you please make sure Anthony stays inside all lunch recess until his entire lunch is finished.” I felt so embarrassed I mean I had no idea my mother could ever embarrass me that.




As I continued to visit dietitians I was scheduled to have a visit with a dietitian in London. Dr. Fox was the dietitian for The Thames Valley Children’s Center. We talked my weighted and the solutions, but none of what Dr. Fox was really a solution to anything it was really more then guessing with him.    He came up with this one suggestions were if my parents paid me to eat in front of the T.V.  Then at the end of the day I would get five dollars. Which sounds great but it was hard believe me. At the next appointment with Dr. Fox he was surprised that I had not put on any weight.  The next words I was to hear would be words that I will forever remember. Dr. Fox said “If he wants to die let him die, there’s nothing we can do for him.” I was surprised by what I had just heard him say I mean as a doctor Dr. Fox totally gave up.  I didn’t know it yet but my father wasn’t ready to give up so easy. The next year would be the toughest year of my life. While eating my father would hit me if I didn’t swallow my food or for that matter even to my food, which made sick often times throwing up what little food I had in my stomach. What I thought was abusive torture at that time in my life it was more like write of passage. Proving if you want something bad, you may have go through a lot of pain and sacrifice to fully deserve what you want.




Chapter 3 Camp Central Perth V/S broken legs           Anthony Sicilia



Chapter 3 Camp Central Perth V/S broken legs



When I was in grade six, I went on many class trips. More trips then we would go on in any other grade. The first trip we went on was to Mr. Watt’s farm. He had a love for horses and me personally I could never understand why. I mean don’t get me wrong I like horses too but Mr. Watt loved everything about horses. After we left Mr. Watt’s farm we were all excited to go on the school camping trip to Godrich which was in the weeks to come.  We stayed there for three days with a variety of activities to do. Day 1, we spent the day Camp Central Perth t-shirts, day 2 camp hike and day 3 electives which is doing whatever you want, with in the rules. “Dam! Those rules.” The real fun at camp happened when we caused all kinds of mischief, that’s what I enjoyed being at Camp Central Perth. When I wasn’t making t-shirts or hiking with my class I was hanging out with Brent, Beven, Blaze, Ryan, Nathan, Trevor, Brandon and Drew. We spent the night playing indoor hockey, soccer. The second night at camp things got a little shaken up, what I mean by that weird unexplainable thing started to happen at camp. That was of course happening after the rest guys cabins started to get involved with a game of Ouija, We  all  did it in great fun but when it came to be my turn it was something  I was no where ready for.



It said someone at camp would get hurt. As you understand I was a little bit on edge and it only got worse as camp progressed.  The next night we all gathered in the mess hall to hear a story of an old murder that happened near our camp. The story was about “Crazy Bill Anderson.”  The story of Crazy Bill Anderson begins about a mile from the camping grounds of Godrich, The story goes as follows; there was once a young couple who wanted nothing in life but peace and tranquility, the names of the couple was Bill & Maggie Anderson.  They were a couple people didn’t really talk about except that they enjoyed peace and quiet. One day there was a big disturbance coming from their house.  The next morning there was a cry for help in the distance; the townsfolk heard “HELP, HELP ME PLEASE. A local ran into the Anderson household to see what the hustle and bustle was all was. What the townsman saw he would never forget, the Anderson household looked like it had be ransacked with shattered pieces of wood and porcelain on the floor. In the distance there was a distinct smell of blood on the walls and everywhere in between. Mr. Anderson was no where in sight when the police were called to the scene of the crime they made shocking relegations about what had happen prior to the morning.  When they approached the kitchen area they saw Mrs. Maggie Anderson hanging by a rope from the ceiling fan.  A serious crime investigator William P. Huff had come to the conclusion that Bill had murdered hi wife because she didn’t prepare his meal on time. During the time after the murder there was an immediate warrant placed on Bill Anderson, fifteen years the warrant still stands.


When we all went to camp Central Perth we all thought the story about Crazy Bill was just a myth. I had other suspicions to think otherwise. Later that night Brent told me the story about Crazy Bill and how it was not a myth, which murder took place in our cabin. As you can imagine that drove me nuts, “well what if he was right.”  I was scared I’d wake up in the morning with a rope around my neck. Anyway in the morning about 7am the entire cabin had been woken up by a loud scream in one of the girl’s cabins.  It turned out that while one of the girls were taking a shower, the water got a little too hot for her and she ended up being sent to the hospital for burns on her hands. What do you think was a conspiracy of Ouija?  Later that day it was Angelo and Beven’s groups to go hiking. Somehow they managed to wander off the trail I’m not sure why exactly I guess they wanted to pull a prank on the rest of the camp. Beven and Angelo’s plan was to stay behind and return to the campsite long after the hike had finished.   They made up this story that came face to face with Crazy Bill and they nearly escaped.  The entire camp was so worried and started to believe in the myth of Crazy Bill.




In contrast I enjoyed grade six immensely but when I entered grade seven it was like a whole different world for me, at school and at home. My problems at home continued with my surgeries. The plan for my next surgery the plan was to cut the inner parts of hips and rotate my hips outward. When my parents went into the recovery room my father asked how I felt, I said in tears “I feel like my legs have just been run over by a transport truck. I had a very time in the recovery room due to the fact I was on so many drugs for pain. I ended up puking a lot. I had to lay at home for six months in a body cast. What I thought was difficult wasn’t nearly close to what difficulty really was. That was until I had to go to the washroom, every time I went to the washroom I thought my sides were going to burst and my stitches would open. Stupidly my mother asked me how I felt after that I said “Now I know what I a woman have to go through when she delivers a baby.”  It’s a pain I never want to experience that kind of pain ever again.  Its total hell. Life in a body cast for me got better as time went on. Even though I couldn’t do anything for six months I could use my hands. From then on being in a body wasn’t as bad as you may think except when it came time to go to the washroom. The pain I went through, well let’s face it I think what I said earlier you basically got the idea of what it was like for me.   However I considered myself very fortune it with my cerebral palsy I had no brain damage or mental disability. I was truly unique in my own way with dealing with cerebral palsy. I had a rare case of C.P. that only effect 3 % of children that were affected by cerebral palsy. I would only loose control of muscles in my hips and legs.  I had a rare case that the doctors would rarely ever see. My heal muscles were very loose and in most case when dealing with cerebral palsy the muscles would be tightened. That’s what made truly believe I was unique.


As I said earlier even though I was in a body cast I could still use my hands.  So what I ended up for the next six months was play video games. That’s all I could to pass the time for myself and for my friends who came to visit me it was so much fun. We all had a blast. When I could move my feet if ever I wanted too I got lifted up and put on a hospital cart that looked like a skateboard.   When I returned to class it was anything but easy I was failing two terms. This was a major concern for my school teachers and my parents. So I had to taken out of school and relocated to a school in town. The school was King Lear Public School; I never really seemed to enjoy myself there. I did everything I could to get kicked out, fighting and such etc. To me it didn’t matter how big I was if I didn’t like you I’d let you know it. Everyday I sat in the office it was only the first week and already the entire school knew my name. They always asked me “Anthony, what are you doing in here? The secretary would them tell them my story, they’d reply “oh he’s here for fighting figures I didn’t care I just sat there smiling meanwhile the whole school thought I was Satan Or something like that.


Months later I turned my grades around in all my subjects, I got high 80’s. I had to really try in that term because the school eventually caught on to the idea that I was trying to get myself kicked out of school. All I said them after was “Gee what took you soon long. So it worked out great because a year later I got 86% in my history class I graduated with my diploma.



Chapter 4 Against the ropes, cheating death                 Anthony Sicilia



Chapter 4 Against the ropes,      cheating death




My cerebral palsy and eating disorder were very hard on me and my parents. I had so many heated arguments; it got so bad that sometimes when school ended I cried because I didn’t want to go home. Many times we reached the end of our tolerances, I wanted to runaway so far away so that I could be left alone.  My parents tried to make me understand why they did what they did in such a way that I never wanted to deal with my problems. We but heads many times, screaming at each other.  I felt like my parents just didn’t want to understand me, just because I was young. After battling with my parents verbally and physically I snapped I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. I needed to focus my anger towards my parents on something else. I don’t ever think my dad ever looked at me like a man, he just saw me as a boy. I thought if I was to follow in his footsteps then things would be different.  For me escaping the fights meant turning to sports, sports like baseball, soccer and hockey but the two sports I could find some real comfort in were the sports of wrestling and boxing. I don’t why this was I guess it was just a way for me to get rid of the yelling, streaming and the arguments.


I could focus my anger in watching wrestling I watched it so intently it felt great. I could finally watch other people get angry and get beaten up, I’m just happy it wasn’t me. Some of the wrestling matches I liked watching were matches that involved Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, The Undertaker, Bret Hart, The Bushwhackers etc. I found it very entertaining I enjoyed watching the matches that showed a lot of blood. The more blood I saw the happier I was. If there was no wrestling on T.V. then I don’t think I could ever survive my rough childhood. I used video record myself calling the matches it was an opportunity for me to go wild and crazy and I loved it. I really had a knack for being originally creative. My thought I was nuts but I didn’t care it was my life, I simply was enjoying being funny. I really enjoyed that part of my life; my thoughts were is its better then arguing and fighting with my parents.



As the fighting at home progressed and got so much more physical I needed to find another way to escape my problems. So I turned to the movie “Rocky I continued to watch the Rocky films although I’m not sure why my guess is that I loved to watch the underdog win and living on top of the world. I took that emotion I had while watching Rocky and I used that emotion in school. Then I wouldn’t get pushed around in school. So I thought if I understood the techniques then I wouldn’t get picked on at school because dealing with my cerebral palsy I was a constant target for bulling. Months later I learned to channel my anger and use it in school. My friends caught on and eventually gave me the nickname Rocky.  I thought fighting like I did was really the answers to all my problems. My mentality was like “If Rocky can does it so can I.  Not after too long everyone wanted to rip me in shreds and kick my ass.  I didn’t care what I went through it was all apples and oranges to me.  If anybody wanted to fight me at anytime they could I wasn’t afraid of nothing, many of friends said that I was a whacko.  Many of them said I had more guts then brains; I just simply told them when I live when I fight its all worth 100% heart. Nothing but that will always get me by in my life.


When I got into high school I really had to watch myself, there were so many people that wanted to rough me up nice and good. So in order that I could watch my back I went to my friends for emergency protection if I ever needed it.  My protection was Ryan, Nathan, Blaze, Beven and Brandon. Let me tell you if you’re ever in a fight and you have Blaze Lewis in your corner the odds of you winning the fight just went up. However if you are a enemy to Blaze you better run for your life. He’s one wacky dude and I think that’s why we were in sink so well, we had that in common with each other. In school I served many, many detentions for my rebellious devilish attitude. which I won’t deny I had but sometimes in school I had to big courage and strong pride. I thought that would be my only way I would eventually fend for myself in school.  The school never really saw it fit for me to be suspended outside of school. I guess they knew my track record a little well.  Which taking outside suspensions for me out of the picture worked out rather good for me I could what I wanted, to whoever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to so. I guess they really didn’t think my school punishments out clearly.  Which was fine because I could cause a lot shit, and its what I loved to do. In other words I owned the school. I was feeling really good about it too. When you have unlimited ultimate power it just may be the greatest feeling you may ever feel in your lifetime.


As I continued to watch Rocky movies I became more and more interested into the sport of boxing. Watching every fight I possibly could. Learning and studying footwork, how to throw a punch and how to take a punch. From the point I decided that exactly how I would be I would use those skills to protect myself at all times. I also studied the speed and power of the boxers. A boxer I enjoyed watching was Oscar Delahoya, “The Golden Boy.” I was interested in his fights for may different reasons number one was he wasn’t build big. What I also enjoyed about his fights was his abilities such as his ability to knockout his opponents. This may seem funny to you as the reader but If I didn’t have cerebral palsy I would want to follow in my father’s footsteps and become a boxer. But since I know that I had no chance of that happening in someway I always wanted to be involved with boxing somehow,  whether it would be a trainer, cut man or referee, announcer or even a promoter there was just something  about being in the spotlight for me that I dreamt about many times. Still myself as a boxer with cerebral palsy would be a true underdog story. There’s nothing like winning the WBC (World Boxing Association Championship) and being able to look back on it and say “I did that.”  That would be a great experience for; no doubt I would certainly enjoy it.


Then I vowed to myself that if I learned, I could most certainly defend myself whenever I needed to. Everyday after school was done I used to hit the heavy big for forty-five minutes a day until my hands were a bloody mess, then I did as many push-ups as I could have before my arms gave out, I then used to sprint short distances and finally for balance I used to jump in one spot for 15-20 minutes a day. To quote my cousin Te’ minitura pero de chili bratchi forta, te chili le fortissimo le Madonna. In English that means you maybe small but you have the strength of Mary Magdalene in your arms.  He said this because I was constantly hanging from a steel bar to increase the strength in my arms.


As I examined my life closely, I came to realize something that the abuse I suffered was one of those unanswered questions. As I looked closely at what abuse I suffered I started to realize that the abuse that I faced was just a testimony to my life.    Although sometimes the abuse I went through was bloody and very nasty at times. I realized something I started abuse right in the face and welcomed it, more an more into my life. Simply because true sacrifice is sometimes painful  If I may quote Silas in The Da Vinci Code   Silas states “Pain is good.” Yes now that is exactly how I feel. Pain is good.  I learned to not be discouraged by the abuse that I went through, because I had the blood and strength of the Lords son. Every blow I took he took with me, for me that make me proud that I went through all that and now I’m here now talking about.


Chapter 5 Looking into deaths eyes               Anthony Sicilia





Chapter 5   Looking into deaths eyes



You may be wondering to yourself why I would be writing a chapter on death, well it’s rather quite simple death has affected me in many different ways. More so now then before, while in school I was on top of the world, I had my friends by my side and surprisingly enough I was pulling off good grades. This may seem petty to you but it really meant something to me because I had no idea whether or if I was ever going to make it to high school. I did and I was very happy to be there maybe not all the time but none the less I was getting my education and that’s what mattered. Just a few months into school my life came crashing down, like I never experienced before. For years my grandmother had a long battle with heart disease.  Going in and out of the hospital constantly it was a scare to many of us, too many different members family it was a problem our family dealt with on many different occasions. One many different occasions her heart would get weak and she would have to spend weeks at a time in the hospital.  Each time she went in the hospital our family always wondered if we were ever going to loose her. We had no idea what was going but one thing I can say about my grandmother is that she fought hard with her disease.


I think the reason why she fought so hard was because she saw me and my difficulties.  She wanted to make her pain un-noticed to everyone.  She always seemed very happy I guess that was because she saw the pain I had to deal with and she didn’t want let anyone know how much pain she was really in. She put me before herself and her difficulties I commend her for that. I was closer to my grandparents probably more then any other grandson or granddaughter in our family.  I guess I could relate with her problems because I myself had battled through cerebral palsy, even though it wasn’t the exact same disease she had I think we could where the other person was coming from.  I give her credit for how time she spent with especially with her sickness; I don’t think anybody could do the same.  She never stopped fighting her disease even when things looked so hopeless she always seemed to think on the brighter side of things. She was unique in that way. She was strong just like me, which is what I was most proud of. We never admitted defeat. We always fought hard with every single moment in our life.


When I was in sports, she came to all my little t-ball games. Every time almost it was so great to have her there for moral support. I also bowled in tournaments all across Ontario, she was very proud that I was so involved with some many different sports. I even won two championships and one of the championships was a bowling trophy that I managed to win in St. Thomas I managed to bowl a final score of 188. I also won a championship at our local lanes and even though it wasn’t a trophy but a championship ribbon it still made me feel great.  I also won numerous 1st 2nd and 3rd place ribbons for t-ball in Ontario. Places like Cambridge, Stratford, St. Thomas and Kitchener etc. I always found that my grandmother supported through all of the sports I was involved with. It was a thrill to her to see play sports so well. I used to really enjoy myself I guess she could see that in my face  and personally I think that’s what brought her so much joy, watching me play sports was something she always talked about. She was so proud she used to build me up like I was superman.


As I got out of t-ball and bowling I switched over to Stratford’s local team for swimming and sledge hockey. I swam in Toronto’s finals because I was a finalist.  I swan that day in Toronto and I swam in 3 races, I managed to place 1st, 2nd, 3rd.  In sledge hockey I played on a team called “The Stratford Icebreakers.”   Our team played in rural area and some cities of Ontario. Some where we competed was in Kitchener, London, Stratford, and Henzel.  I wore the number fourteen.  Because at that time I was fourteen. I was Capitan and my position was center ice. Even though I was the Capitan I wasn’t for scoring instead I insisted in leading the team in aggression. I was brash player known for my intensity on the ice. I even developed a name because of my style of play. “Crash” was my hockey name; my specialties were to t-bone players of the opposing team into the boards and flip them over on their sled.  Sled became extremely thrilling to me everyday with the more hits I delivered thee more hits I delivered the more I wanted to more other players. With every hit I threw I got a sick satisfaction from it all the time. I often smiled after I finished my checks. I thought of myself as a little “Tie Domi.”  The bigger check I threw the happy I was. So came the playoffs the playoffs were scheduled to be in Buffalo New York, sadly I had to withdraw from Buffalo because there was pressing matters to attend too at home. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have loved to go to Buffalo, if I went to Buffalo it would have been such a thrill for me. I had dreams of being scouted by sledge hockey coaches in the U.S. then at last I could show them that sledge is my sport and I could certainly show why.


As my grandma’s condition worsened I was called away from the tournament in Buffalo New York as we watched my grandmother slowly fade away. Even though in her final days she was happy.  She intended on being happy until her very last day. The date was February 16th, 2000 once again my grandma was place in the hospital for respiratory problems. She was losing oxygen drastically it was like she was dying right in front of us. She was losing so much strength again she always had a smile on her face. Even so close to death. I guess that’s where I get my courage from. For   one week she was monitored and stabilized enough to come home for the last time. She returned home only it was her birthday February 26th   with in a few days she returned to the hospital, this time she would not return home. On March 2, 2000 after battling her heart condition for many years she finally passed away. When my mother told me about the news of my grandmother’s passing I didn’t know what to do. The visitations were two days later, When I walked into the funeral home I refused to go and see my grandma. I didn’t want to admit to myself that she was gone; there was nothing I could do.


I felt so helpless; I broke down for an hour. The grandkids didn’t really understand why I was so sad.  My cousin Dario asked his father why was I crying so much. My Uncle Carmine said “Anthony is crying because your grandparents favoured Anthony the best.”  It was very true, for many months on weekends I used to stay with my grandparents, I enjoyed myself immensely. Some of my fondest memories of staying with my grandparents were to play video games with my grandma. The only video game she knew how to play was PAC-MAN.  I know what your thinking playing PAC-MAN means nothing but it did too me. It was a time for us to both enjoy life not having to worry about our problems. To me those are just memories that I will never forget. Every time I visit my grandparents house now a days I just remember old memories of my when my grandparents were alive. It always reminds me of a time of great happiness and joy.  What I would do to get a chance to relive those moments again. They were truly unforgettable.


For me losing my grandma was anything but easy.  I wasn’t in the right state of mind at all, I thought of committing suicide every night just so I could see my grandma again. I basically shut down for the past six months after my grandmother’s death, I was very sick physically and emotionally. I got sick every time I thought of her lying there in the casket like she was. It was very horrifying to witness. I saw those horrifying images each time before I would sleep. Most of all I was very mad at God for letting her die instead of making her much better. I cursed him many times because I couldn’t understand why he would let her die knowing full well what I was going through at home. I would continue to have a hard time with my grandmother’s death. I wouldn’t go anywhere, I would barely speak to anyone, I just felt so alone.  After that I was very cautious to get close to anyone because I was afraid of whom ever I got close too would die on me. I buried myself into my school so I wouldn’t have to face the fact that my grandmother was actually gone.


Chapter 6 Inside my head                         Anthony Sicilia



Chapter 6 Inside my head



Before I continue forward with my book I think I should take you back and give you a glimpse of what I never mentioned. Personally I think I can’t continue on forward with the book without this valid part of my life.  Yes growing up for me was very difficult dealing with all I had on my plate. With C.P., eating disorder dealing with malnutrition and my constant battles with never easy. Its not say I didn’t receive help because I did, especially when I least expected it. Like from my grandparents, from friends and from a variety of respite workers.  Let’s just say my parents and I needed time away from each other a lot. The way my grandparents helped me out is when my parents didn’t have the time or patience to deal with me, my grandparents always took me. They never turned me away and I must say in some of my life’s fondest memories were spent with my grandparents. In some ways that made my life much more enjoyable for me.  They helped me and I helped them. We helped each other just by spending time with them and listening to them talk about the past. One thing I can say about my grandparents is that they loved their family very much. Whenever we used to visit they used to have smiled from ear to ear. It was as much as joy to us as it was to them.


Whether it was watching Xena Warrior Princess with my grandpa or PAC-MAN with my grandma, or eating meals there was always a sense of welcome in their household. With every person that entered to visit there was always a sense of belonging there and no matter what anybody said no one could ever cook like my grandma. Despite what anybody says those are the words I stick by. She had a gift when it came to cooking, That was my reason for always wanting to spend so much time with them.  My parents were always angry with me when I never used to eat at home but in contrast I used to always love eating at my grandparent’s house. I would always have to be forced to eat my food at home, where is at my grandparents house eating became enjoyable. I think I gained most of weight as a child eating meals at my grandparent’s house. It was always very comforting for me while I ate my food at there house.   My parents always seemed to get discouraged with the comments I made about there cooking being horrible, I explained to them this is the exact reason why I don’t like to eat at home.  I thought being over at my grandparents became like a second home.  I sometimes never wanted to go home; I enjoyed myself too much I was in the presence of good company.  My grandma made the best spaghetti, chicken soup and polenta. My grandparents was like a vacation home for I was able to spend with people that enjoyed my company, I always great interesting conversations with my grandparents. Some of my fondest memories about my grandma’s cooking happened always around Christmas time. She would make Grispelle’s (fried batter doughnuts.) They’re so good I would have preferred to eat them all year around.


My Friends


Brandon, Blaze, Ryan, Nathan and Beven were like all like my family outside my family. In school I had friends by my side all the time, which grew up in my neighbourhood. I always had my fair share of enemies to deal with for me it wasn’t about winning the fight it was more about taking a stand. I can remember numerous fights where I got whooped but as I said fir me it was a matter of respect. For those people that didn’t show me the respect I deserved they dealt with the consequences. I never walked into a fight empty handed I always had many friends that were always willing to step up for me. While I was in school my friends thought of me as a little pit-bull. I was always a target to get bullied. When I wasn’t in the line of fire of fists my gang and I had a tradition to follow with lunch recess. Soccer matches It always involved Nathan, Ryan, Beven, Brandon, Angelo, Scott, Jamie, Brent, Dave, Trevor, Corey, Chris and I. It was all kinds of fun; it was like the movie The Sandlot where they would continue the same game day after day. Well we never cared much about the score; we just wanted to keep playing.   The games got more interesting as the year went on. Eventually 2/3rds of the sixth grade joined in our traditional soccer. It was the task for us to do to pass the time.  Next to prison-ball.



French Class

Hell with Mrs. Shous


While I was in French class from grade 5-7 I had a heck of a time learning the French langue. It was all a big change for me considering I spent most of time in my past French class fighting with Brent Nurse. So for me to learn the langue all over again was all brand new to me. I’ve never ever would pay attention in French class, to me the French langue was one big blur. It seemed no matter what I did I was always in some sort of trouble. Mrs. Shous always criticized for my type of writing and how it was so difficult for her to understand it.    She complained that my writing was never legible; she did what ever she could to fail me. She always would give me 45% on my quizzes. I got very fed up all the time. No matter how hard I would work to improve my grades I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. I knew I was failing miserably but I stuck it out just to prove a point to her. The point that I was right and she was wrong. I used her negativity towards me as motivation.  Proving her wrong became my main goal.  I walked out of French class because I chose not to her hear complain anymore.  French class wasn’t all bad for me even though I disliked my teacher I still managed to get a few good laughs.  One of the more funnier moments in French class that I remember is when Ryan was singing unaware that he was not only singing but he was singing out loud. The story is, one day after Ryan heard the song “Oh Sherry” he had been listening to the radio before he left for school. The song “Oh Sherry was the last song of the day that Ryan had heard. So you know what happens, don’t you hate it when a song gets stuck in head? Well that is exactly what in Ryan’s case. As Ryan began to sing louder and louder the whole class eventually took notice, we all then started bursting out in laughter.  That is the only good memory I have of my French class, what a memory that was.








Tammy and Shawn

& other unfortunate event







Tammy was a respite worker that my parents hired to give a chance to have a break away from home. Tammy’s job wasn’t really a job that’s the way I saw it, I did some exercises and managed to make minor improvements on my walking. None the less I loved getting away from home. After all I was young you can’t actually believe I liked to stay at home, do you?  They took traveling to different places, I was enjoying every minute of it. I remember this one moment quite fondly Tammy & Shawn had taken my brother and I to a wrestling match in Toronto. At the CNE exhibition center. Since Shawn and I were such big wrestling, WWE fans. We thought it was time to take a road to see one of the wrestling events live. We saw such matches as Goldust V/S Shawn Michaels in a ladder match; we were watching a bunch of midget wrestlers fight in Max Mini V/S El Toro, Bret Hart V/S Bob Backland and of course what would wrestling be without the horrifying wrestlers in Mankind V/S The Undertaker but this was no ordinary match up, this was a match up that special and unique it was a casket match. Now I wasn’t too enthusiastic about seeing that particular match for many reasons, first off The Undertaker had his manger with him Paul Bearer I can honestly admit right now, growing up and seeing the manager of The Undertaker as much as I did. I was frightened but seeing Paul Bearer in person nearly scared me half to death.   I broke down in tears because I thought he was coming to get me.






There were so many funny memories about Shawn, I could make a list but that would require me to write another book. The funny moments that I will never forget is that of three pranks Tammy and I played on Shawn. The first funny moment I remember was Tammy had mentioned that my mother and she weren’t getting along. She mentioned that my mother was being very unreasonable and wouldn’t even bother to open the door for her anymore. This made Shawn furious; he didn’t understand why my mother would do such a terrible thing. We eventually had to tell him after that it was just a joke. He was irate at the situation explained to him earlier by us. The second wasn’t so funny for me as it aggravated Shawn it was early in the morning about 8am. I came downstairs for breakfast knowing that Shawn wouldn’t be up yet for quite a while, so I sat down and began to watch T.V.    I waited for quite a while and still there was no sign of Shawn so I became a little hungry so I grabbed myself an apple to pass the time until Shawn woke up. Again I waited this time I waited two more hours I was so hungry and I was getting so worried that I was going to starve. So in the span of two hours I had five granny smith apples. I eventually puked because of all the acidy that were in my stomach from all the apples I had just eaten. Shawn had woken up ten minutes later as he came down the stairs his first reaction when seeing the puke was “What the hell!”

Last but not least my thoughts on what exactly were the funniest moments about Shawn, it was something that I had witnessed and laughed my socks off. I first learned how afraid of germs and from what I saw I so wish I had a camera. It was so priceless to watch it happened moments after Shawn had finished work he went to the washroom and like all guys do he grabbed a magazine. As he came out of the washroom Tammy had a very strange look on her face as she looked up at him and the ceiling. Shawn was worried he had asked “what’s wrong.  Tammy didn’t reply back then she later he mentioned she thought she had seen something hanging from the ceiling. When Shawn walked by Tammy scream “Oh my Dear God. Shawn asked immediately “what’s wrong. She replied there’s something in your hair, right away this worried Shawn so he went to go wash his hair.  Tammy had later mentioned that she thought it was lice in Shawn’s hair he flipped out and he ended washing five times in twenty minutes. I knew it was a gage but it sure was a dam good one.








Sherry was Shawn’s younger sister and for some reason she was quite fond of me. She tried everything in short detail I don’t know why, I was only thirteen years old at the time. When she asked Shawn and Tammy’s permission to ask me out on a date, needless to say I couldn’t tell if she was joking or serious, it frightened me very much. One day I was cleaning Tammy’s house in the basement and I was dusting the lamps, “she had glanced over at me and had said to me “why don’t I have a real woman?” Keep in mind she was twenty-two at the time. When I heard her say that I freaked out I ran away as fast as I could.

The Perception of man and the world

The Da Vinci Code


To really understand me as writer, you have to understand my desires, what I’m passionate about and of course what exactly what are my interests are. My great interest recently was obtained by a book I read. “The Da Vinci Code, this book is full of controversial topics like religion and Jesus Christ. I become so overwhelmed with wanting to learn more I wrote an article for one of my college preparation classes. The article was on the topic of Religion V/S The Da Vinci Code.


Religion Vs The Da Vinci Code


This book by Dan Brown is causing much turmoil amongst the world religions. Whether you’re Catholic, Christian, Jewish or Atheist, it doesn’t matter because everyone has there own opinions about the book. Many religions think it is a hoax where as many others think the book is full of blasphemy, or the book is anti Christian.  The religions criticize The Da Vinci Code simply because many people refuse to watch one man re-write history, existence and the beginning of Jesus Christ The Messiah. None the less it proves to be a best-seller worldwide. Which clearly says to me that many people are searching for answers about life and why exactly are we here? Many religions ostracize the claims of The Da Vinci Code because they feel it puts shame to the life of Jesus Christ and the early teachings of religions.  What people fail to realize is the information in The Da Vinci Code is not any type of new information; many historical scholars research these very questions on a daily basis.  I personally can see how such a topic can be shunned by many people.  Religion is such a topic to discuss these because everyone has their own opinion which they are fully entitled too.  Everyone has their own opinions, everyone has their own beliefs. That’s exactly what Dan Brown wrote about in The Da Vinci Code he took he had researched adding true facts and sense of his own creativity. One job of a writer is to leave his writings filled with suspense.


Also a job by a write is to find way that readers never put the book down. In that way his book stays on the minds of those who read it the main facts of The Da Vinci Code is that of a murder takes place in a Paris museum “The Louver.” The murder is a set up by the Catholic Church who is members of the Opus Dei ceremonies. The Opus Dei community wish to obtain a secret bound of documents once found by “The Knights Templar.”  These documents are said to hold the genealogy of Jesus Christ.  The documents are brought in procession of a secret society “The Priory of Sion.” These documents claim that Mary Magdalene was pregnant at the crucifixion with the child of the messiah. Mary would have a daughter shortly after Jesus’ death and name the child Sara. This in Hebrew Sara means princess. When Sara reached  the age of twelve, her and her family travel to live off the coast of France. Where Sara the blood royal would marry into a family of the Merovingian Kings, if that is the case then the Merovingian Kings would be the genealogy of Sara. If the genealogy lasted through the centuries then there could possibly be a bloodline to the present day. That is what the idea behind the writings of The Da Vinci Code.


Robert Langdon a character in The Da Vinci Code sets out to find the holy grail, with the help of the murder victim’s granddaughter Sophie Nerveu. Robert Langdon is a symbologist teacher at the University of Harvard.     Sophie Nerveu is a special agent for the French police forces. Together they would travel to the Louver museum to get instructions at the crime scene of the murder. They then would go to the world’s most famous painting “The Mona Lisa which was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci, they would look at the paintings for clues what to do and where to go. They would travel across the town to meet up with old frail Englishman who was a former colleague of Robert Langdon The old man is very well versed in symbology, they would asked themselves why is “The Mona Lisa” smiling?  Is that really Mary Magdalene in the painting of “The Last Supper?  Is the V shape the sign of symbol for the divine feminine?    Did Leonardo Da Vinci really paint secret codes in his artwork? Why is the left side of The Mona Lisa higher then the right? Was there really a Priory of Sion? How much of The Da Vinci is fact? How much is fiction?  Is there really a divine proportion that equals men with women? What is the real purpose for “Le Madonna of the Rocks?


In closing


In religions my thoughts are that never to believe one theory, because many religions could be wrong or right. That is not certain what is certain is that nobody under circumstances challenges existence and or plan. As living being we free to think how we want, we are free to have our own opinions and we are free to express these opinions as we so choose.    The world these days is full of religion from England, India, Scotland, Rome and Egypt wherever you go you are surrounded by many diverse religions and their teaching. I think it’s impressive of us to want to learn more about the God, but if I may I would to quote Leonardo Da Vinci from the book The Da Vinci Code. Da Vinci said “Blinding ignorance misleads us, O! Wretched mortals open your eyes.” In his translation he might want people to look beyond the paintings, the books and you will find the answers that we all search for, answers about life and its secrets. We will not find the secrets we are looking for, the secrets to life are beyond our control. We will only find out the true secrets to life when we stand in the presence of God and in that way the secrets of life will be just that a secret. Could God give us the powers to find the true meaning of life? Yes but does he no! Why is that?  simply because if people found the true meaning to life we would live in a world of madness between religions. Holy wars would start in the name of God so that’s why the secrets of life are where they belong with God.


The First Wave



Dealing with the science technical terms of aliens, this became aware to after I start to tune a show “The First Wave.”  The story follows two ordinary people, One of them is a whiz with technology the other is a wanted man by the authorities for a murder he didn’t commit. The murder was setup by group alien innovators “called Gua” They plan missions to take over the earth one day along with wiping out the human race. It is the mission of Kate Foster to spread the word of alien invasions. Without getting nabbed by the police. The computer whiz Eddie is the editor of a website that publishes Kate Foster’s journals.  The journals are called The paranoid times. Foster mission is to stop the aliens from invading earth and prepare humans for a war of the worlds. Kate Foster uses the guideline books of legendary foreteller Nostradomus. Who predicts these alien invasions long before it happens? I am always surprised by the show and it does relate to science, that there might not be aliens or maybe there is and we just don’t see them.  It’s amazing what kind of thought process goes into making a show like that.  It’s extremely creative by us, create a myth build on the idea and make it believable too many people.

I like researching new world possibilities, I like the perceptions of religion and the questions it asks while reading The Da Vinci Code, I like the paranormal theories that many scientists have on life and existence.     I like hearing about new informative possibilities along with the new questions that try to get solved day after day.  I like hearing the theories of Michael de Nostradamus, I love hearing theories from the bible about how the past once was.  Its all the perceptions of man now these days. The precipitations of Nostradamus and the threat of aliens is of course over played out by man.

For example Quatrain 72, Century 5. "Hallowed eyes burn through the line to the fifth in colonies of old. Malevolence awaits a perfect division, as four makes five for apocalypse."



I also am fascinated by many films none more then, "The Boondock  Saints."


I was effected by the movie The Boondock Saints I chose to write an article on it explaining my ideas and thoughts towards it.

The Boondock Saints

The Boondock Saints is a masterpiece film directed by Troy Duffy, Duffy takes us on a journey of exploring the Boston underworld of drugs and criminals.  The movie holds such star power as Willem Dafoe, Sean Patrick Flanery, Billy Connelly, David Della Rocco and Norman Reedus. Just to name a few, the movie explores the mission of two Irish brothers Connor and Murphy Macmanus together they hold a belief that they are sent on a mission by God. They believe it is God's will to rid the world of evil done by man. An FBI agent who sets out to follow their tracks is not at all disappointed by the brothers actions he is seemingly very happy that someone is providing justice when the law wouldn't. Many people admire The Boondock Saints for their efforts to clean up and rid the world's many cities of crime and corruption. Doing a much better job then the Boston police would ever do.  Why I think the Boondock Saints was such a wonderfully filmed movie is because it touches on topics of today's world. The true underworld of drugs and whether or not the police allow such problems to occur simply because if they do not face that part of crime then that part of crime does not exist. It shows me that very few people are willing to explore that part of crime and it should be explored more often as such. Many people are very afraid to film a film such as the Boondock Saints because other directors enjoy conforming to what society wants. They choose to turn a blind eye to that particular subject because of the reputation of America and their world police forces. I say to those people that conform to society every night you sit down and watch the news, the news is filled with negativity, tremendous violence, shootings and killings I say if your willing to open up your eyes to that open up your eyes to the underworld the world the news is too afraid to show you so in that aspect you don't have to believe it because you don't see It. As it may be just because just because you don't see it that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. This is a prayer I favour and I personally think that this particular Prayer should be posted on the walls of every police station worldwide as a remember of true corruption.




Duce's Prayers

"And when I vest my flashing sword And my hand takes hold in judgment I will take vengeance upon mine enemies And I will repay those who hase me O Lord, raise me to Thy right hand And count me amoung Thy saints ."

"Whosoever shed last blood. By man shall his blood be shed. For immunity of god make he the man. Destroy all that which is evil. So that which is good may flourish. And I shall count thee among my favoured sheep. And you shall have the protection of all the angels in heaven."

"Never shall innocent blood be shed. Yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of god. "


I was affected by the movie The Boondock Saints simply because it displays a great reality on religiousness and violence in the world.


In that aspect I say I am not now or never will be an anti Christ I just choose to learn as the world evolves.  Jesus once said " If you drink this wine you will dink me. I choose to drink the information of the heavens and the world around us.


Chapter 7 Pads, pucks and soccer balls                Anthony Sicilia





Chapter 7 Pads, pucks and soccer balls


I am a huge sport between hockey, baseball, soccer and boxing. It’s these sports that I live and I have chosen to define my life by, I love it all. I experienced an interest in hockey at a very young age; I probably got in hockey around the age of seven, after growing up and watching The Toronto Maple Leafs on TV. I never really was a big fan of the leafs. However I always cheering for them to loose I guess that why I watched the leaf’s games so much because I love to watch them loose, it bring me so much happiness when I would see them loose. Now from a local perspective on our town’s local hockey team, I enjoyed going to the Stratford Cullitions games, all the time. I always went with friends of the family much the same going to The Cullitions hockey games I was often frightened.  I scared the loud noises the hockey players would make when body checking their opponents into the boards. I was most frightened by the mascot of the team, every time I saw him he frightened me so much that he made me cry at every single game.  With every Indian calling and loud yelling it was very horrifying for me to experience. With every single noise that went on during the hockey game I jumped out of my seat many times because I was way beyond scared.  I was so clueless to who was in the costume. Frankly I had no clear intention of wanting to find out.  A little while later everything to be normal and I managed to survive the night without having a heart attack.


Moments later my Uncle Mike had approached me, he had to me that he was the mascot from The Cullitions. I was in a state of shock no way did I every expect to hear that kind of news like that. If ever I had found out that the mascot of The Cullitions all this time I would have kicked his ass.  I would also mention to him that it was a horrifying and terrible feelings for me in which I had experienced when the mascot would appear in the stands. The Cullitions had a great history on the ice, despite me almost dying of near fright. They managed to win a total of seven Southerland Cup Championships. 1977, 1978, 1986, 1990, 1995, 2003, 2004. Regardless of whom The Cullitions were playing them they always managed to make history on the ice.






As I grew up a huge fan of sports I took a real interested and enjoyment in watching the Toronto Maple Leafs loose their games. As I continued to watch hockey more and more over the year I became interested in big name players. Such as Wayne Gretzsky, Mario Lemiuex, Mike Madanno, Steve Yzerman, Martin Broduer, Brendan Shanahan, Eric Lindros.  Regardless which players I loved to watch I always knew these hockey players would become legends in their own time, especially when it came down to Mario Lemiuex and Wayne Gretzsky they were always in competition with each other to decide who would go down in NHL history as the greatest player that ever lived, it was great for hockey it brought a whole new generation on worldwide fans and it would change the hockey level forever. On the plus side they were both Canadian, Wayne being from Brantford Ontario and Mario being from Montreal; it was great for us Canadians who always had tremendous pride in our Canadian born hockey players. It gave all the fans of Canada and hockey in general to dream, Wayne and Mario were such great roll models for the hockey fans. I’m sure every single fan of the game had a dream of playing in the NHL someday. My best guess is when they would skate on their backyard ponds they would imagine for that brief moment that they in the NHL. Regardless what anybody says about the two players there was always an unmistakable truth about them, they weren’t just players to their fans they were heroes and true ambassadors to the game of hockey. Respectfully the two players played on great teams. Wayne with the New York Rangers, Edmonton Oilers and Los Angeles Kings. Where as Mario played for the Pittsburgh Penguins.







As I came to realize later there would hockey players of the past that had truly transformed the game. “1972 summit series” those were the days of real battles on the ice. Fans everywhere called the 72’ summit series “The Cold War.” The 1972 summit series was unlike any other regular hockey game. Back in those Russia or the (U.S.S.R.) were a country of communism, Canada was a country of democracy. The U.S.S.R. was a very powerful country at that time; some countries of the world were following under the influence of communism. Canada not only battled stop the nation from conforming they always battled for hockey supremacy. The games began more of politics rather then competition. The games were extremely physical with blood being spilt in almost each one of the eight games played.  Games in the summit series were played in Moscow, Russia and Vancouver and Toronto. Some of the players for team Canada were Paul Henderson, Phil Esposito, and Bobby Clarke.  Some the soviet players were Vladimir Petrov, Vladimir Shadrin, Yuri Liapkin. Also who can forget the legendary voice of the summit series Foster Hewitt? The game took on a sense of pride adrenaline, anger, intensity. In game 1 USSR won 7-4, in game 2 Canada won 4-1, game 3 was all knotted up at four a piece. Game 4 and game 5 were controlled by the soviets wining 5-3. Canada was desperate for a win in game 6 and somehow they managed to claw their way into the series by winning 3-2.Team Canada would not be denied another game winning the next two games 4-3 and 6-5. For Canada it was tremendous victory for the underdogs a victory against the world’s most powerful nation.  Canada also managed to unify a nation, that’s why the game was “The Summit Series.”  A September to remember because the day of September 28, 1972 would be a day written in sports history, it was a war that no hockey will ever forget.


Soccer Eyes on the worlds best




When anybody talks about soccer they immediately think of championships, like the EURO CUP CHAMPIONSHIPS that take place every two years. For sure there is no soccer championship more noticed by the world then the world’s most honorable soccer trophy The World Cup. Think about it for a minute, well you have 32 teams and round by round teams get eliminated from the competition. The next round is the knockout round the round of sixteen. It is always very disappointing to get eliminated in the knockout stage, after teams would work so hard just to get there. Next are the quarter-finals or the round of eight. Four teams work as hard they can to reach ever so closer to the next round of semi-finals and possibly realizing a nations dream in the finals of The World Cup. Instead of talking about all the glory about soccer I’m going to talk about how its not all what it’s cracked up to be in the European and World Cup finals.  Now when most people  think of great European soccer teams they think about teams like, Italy, England, Portugal, Spain, Ireland, Germany, Scotland, France, Greece and Argentina. When people think about world class players they think about David Beckham, Wayne Rooney, Luis Figo, Zinidine Zidane, Francesco Totti and Christian Vieri.







To Italians all over the world soccer has become a way of life. It defines our pride for our country. Italians take soccer very, very seriously an example of that is the Canadians with our hockey, or American with their football and baseball.  With soccer being the sport many people play in their childhoods. When Italian people play soccer they play the game with passion.  In all of Italy soccer history they have managed to the European and World on numerous occasions. The first time Italy had a taste of World Cup glory was in the year of 1934, they won the World Cup against Czechoslovakia by a score of 2-1. Italy was also the host nation in 1934.  The next time Italy had won the World Cup was when France was the host nation the year was 1938. Italy successfully defended their title against Hungry the final score was 4-2.  The third a final time Italy would win the World Cup was in the year 1982, Italy’s opponents in the finals were West Germany. The final score was 3-1, the host’s nation in the 1982 World Cup was Spain.  Although Italy had experienced great success in the World and European championships they had also seen the ugly side of soccer “defeat.”



“The Roberto Baggio Incident”


It was the 94 World Cup the two teams that were scheduled to meet in the finals, Italy VS Brazil. Many people and many spectators were talking about how the match between the Italians and the Brazilians could be one of the greatest matches ever played.  It was true on one level; the match did go in history but as faded memory that would haunt the Italian national team. The game was tight there was no decision after full time the match then was determined in penalty kicks.   The kicker up for the Italians was Roberto Baggio, he had faked the shot left and the ball rocketed up over the net.  Brazil would capitalize on Italy mistake. Renaldo would score the winning goal. The champions of 94’Brazil 3-2 over Italy.


“A Shot of shock”

It was time for the world cup A.KA France 98’when Italy would next suffer a great tragic defeat in the quarterfinals against the host nation France.  After full time the score was 1-1.  Italy did not want to go into penalty kicks again but they did. After the teams traded two goals a piece in shootouts Christian Vieri took a shot which hit the top of the crossbar and bounced into the hands of the goalkeeper. Everyone around the world saw this; they proclaimed it was the curse of Baggio.


“30 seconds is a lifetime “


The Euro Cup final was set it was France V/S Italy, The Italian team became more aggressive, the played with more heart and they had the lead the whole game.  Italy’s Vieri scored an early goal that would stand for the entire game, until there was just thirty seconds left. With thirty Zidane scored for France to tie the game up.  The Italians were shocked they were already celebrating on the side lines but now with the score all at one the Italians wondered why they couldn’t catch a break. Zidane scored another goal and just like that France was champions of Europe. The Italian team was so disappointed but the embarrassment didn’t end there for the Italian squad, when Italy arrived home there was a bunch of Italy’s fans waiting for them to arrive. Just then the Italian was bombarded with tomatoes by the Italian fans as a sign of disappointment.




Chapter 8  An Old mans time has come

Anthony Sicilia




After my grandma’s funeral everything changed for our family that was most definitely the case in my eyes. The death of my grandmother effect a lot of peoples none more so then my grandpa. He didn’t seem like himself, he seemed to feel lost and alone. I was so surprised the way he changed because he was a man so happy and so enthusiastic about life. To me he just seems happy at all anymore. It seemed as if now he was filled with pure sadness. There was sadness in his face and his voice, it was sad for me to witness because for a man that had so much ambition for life his ambition seemed to diminish right before my very eyes.  It seemed like he was waiting to die just so he could be with my grandma again. Just two years later the doctors had found something on his right lung it was a black spot. He had to have surgery; the doctors had mentioned that his hopes of surviving the surgery weren’t very good. His chances were 25% or less of recovery the surgery. Even all the disapproving from the from the family, the choice was ultimately his to make.  He decided yes he was going to have the surgery.


A week later he recovered, as it was said that the surgery was a success.  With four days the doctors had discovered another problem with my grandpa. Which begs me to ask the question, people to the hospitals when they are sick, hospitals are suppose to contain a illness not make it worse. If people get ill when they are in the hospital what good is the hospital then? NOTHING! Chicken soup is better then any hospital medications.  Three days later I went to go see visit him in the hospital, it was very strange he didn’t know who I was or even what was going on.  He stared at me not knowing who I was, scared me half to death, I’ve never ever could picture him forgetting me. At the same time he was ill yes, but the morphine he was on was too much I knew it no one else bothered to care. Now my own grandfather was asking who I was, this made me sad very much because as a child I spend ¾’s of my eighteen years with them. I surely knew then he wasn’t going to any better. In my mind I knew he was close to death. To quote my uncle Carmine, “When someone dies your mind is ready but your heart is never prepared” That fact hit it right on the button. Three days later I went to go see him and this time I saw him on life support and in a coma. I was so furious seeing that, I thought just take him off the dam life support let him be left alone. I thought to myself nobody should have to witness someone on life support it horrible


On November 25, 2004 my grandpa finally passed away. As I looked down into his casket he looked so peaceful, now I was happy because all he wanted was to be with my grandma and he finally made it. I was happy to finally put that thought to rest



Chapter 9

Suicide taking the easy way out ropes, bullets, and knives

Anthony Sicilia

Chapter 9 Suicide taking the easy way out ropes, bullets and knives


Some people might find it a bit strange that I would write a chapter about suicide. “Why would I write about such a horrific topic? As time had passed in my life, I’ve gone through a tremendous battle with my life. Let’s recap, shall we? Throughout my life I’ve asked one question and I’ve never seemed to have the answer to. The question I asked, I demanded God to tell me why he has done this to me, I demanded for him to tell me why I had to sacrifice so much. Then I looked long an hard at my life, examining my accomplishments what I’ve been through in my past. I thought to myself I never got C.P. from God because he wanted me to suffer; I got it from the imperfections of mankind.  Instead of taking myself at birth God gave me the ability to fight whatever came my way. God gave me a test to see what I can do with the gifts he has already given to me. I could eventually take something negative and make it in something positive.  I learned before I could get along with my life I had to look deep inside myself and answer my questions as I go along. However there was a time where I wanted nothing to do with my life. Committing suicide often crossed my mind. Whether I hung myself by a hook in the ceiling or stabbing myself in the chest, slicing my throat and just end quick and painless put a bullet in my brain. I really didn’t care I just wanted out of this life, I thought this was my punishment for something I had no idea I had done.


I looked happy wherever I went inside but I was bleeding inside. I wasn’t happy I hid my emotions very well I had to. I could never let anyone what was going on with me. I lost my grandparents at ages when I needed them the most at home it was world war 3 and in school I was always a target to get picked on. I thought cerebral palsy was a punishment I didn’t deserve. I truly thought committing suicide was just something that had to do; nothing would ever go right for me. I thought to myself many times if there was a God there is no way he would make me suffer like this. I kept on wondering why I was chosen to endure so much pain. I kept questioning why Jesus and God wouldn’t help me out. Why couldn’t Jesus just make me normal I didn’t know why I was so confused? I grew angry, bitter and very confused inside. I felt so alone and no one in the world ever had time for me. I lost my faith in God and Jesus. I kept asking God “What gives you the right to the decisions for the entire world?” To quote Dogma, “Religion is like a glass of water, when your young the cup is small but as you get older the cup gets older therefore the cup becomes harder to fill.”


What I shortly realized was that sometimes people have to loose their faith in the lord, in order that you may believe in yourself and your abilities. Most of all to have faith in god is the most import thing to remember. I would soon find strength from inside; once I got my emotional mind state I was in it was up to me to go for   my futuristic goals. God gave me the ability to tell my life story, I think personally if I didn’t suffer through so much I wouldn’t have a life story to be proud of. I thought inner strength comes from the god, I figured god gave me life and I should finish what I started.



Chapter 10

Trouble in paradise




Chapter 10 Trouble in paradise



As I continued to struggle with my walking, more and more pressure was put on me to somehow overcome this seemingly impossible problem. Not only physically but emotionally as well I had to push myself to beyond limits I didn’t even know existed. I was at the end of an emotional rollercoaster that never seemed to end; I could never catch a break. Going into possibly my seventh and final surgery I was walking blind, I didn’t know what to expect. That was until I heard some shocking news that would push me to the end of my emotional boundaries. I heard the devastating news while I was visiting my

family overseas in Italy. In m opinion I wanted my summer vacation to be a good one, it would give me a chance to escape my problems even if it was just for a little while but as luck would have it that wouldn’t be the case. In my case it never is.  Touring to Milan, Dolomite, and Veniza it was all great fun for me. “Heck I even had my own pizza special it includes extra pepperoni extra cheese and my personal favourite pineapple. “Let’s face it you can never go wrong with pineapple. I visit the south side of Italy, Calabria.  If I stayed in Calabria I wouldn’t ever want to come home. To me staying in Calabria was just like when people live Hawaii.  When I got back to the north part of Italy, I visited the doctor because I was in pain. What the specialist said would rock me. He said with in two years if I didn’t have surgery right away then I wouldn’t be able to walk anymore. As I came home back to Canada I searched for help from everywhere, I went to talk to the Italian news that runs out of Toronto; I put an article in The Beacon Harold that read as follows…




Family seeking answers

By Laura Cudworth




Anthony Sicilia is 20 years old and hoping he can avoid a wheelchair. He has cerebral palsy which is commonly marked by weakness or impaired co-ordination of his limbs, while in Italy Anthony went to visit a specialist. He had mentioned that Anthony has limited time to walk. The family tried desperately to get surgery in Italy but that Canadian embassy said they would not cover the cost of the surgery because the cost of the surgery was just too much. He doesn’t have a lot of time left. “Mr. Sicilia said.


Sicilia waiting in hope


The family had found a specialist in Toronto and x-rays were sent to his office. But there is a waiting list of two years just to see him. A spokesman for the ministry of health and long term said  “ If the surgery is urgent based on the diagnosis by the family doctor and then surgery for some reason can’t be done in Canada then OHIP will cover the cost. MPP John Wilkinson said “he will point them in the right direction.”





Dancing around the situation at hand




My Family had that meeting with John Wilkinson; he had said what we’ve already heard from every other place we’ve turned to for help. Go see your family doctor. Which we have many times earlier. John Wilkinson was dancing around the situation at hand. He said go see your doctor over, over and over again. “He then was more concerned with the way he could speak Italian. He said he went to the University of Toronto to study Italian. He then asked my father what part of Italy was he from, my dad replied with “ Oh I live in the north of Italy” which at this time I was thinking “ excuse me what’s this have to do with me receiving help for an operation.” Mr. Wilkinson said “Oh so you live the mountain goats.” When Mr. Wilkinson said that I was offended, it’s just not proper to call people mountain goats when they come to you to ask for help. My feelings are that the situation was never taken care of. If Mr. Wilkinson doesn’t want to do his job right, well they should get a politician in there that care about the people of the community.




Chapter 11 wanting a new beginning         Anthony Sicilia


In some aspects, school determines where you go and what you do in your future. For me it was pretty much the same story. I had to claw my into high school and I had to claw my way out as well. Going into grade 9 due to the fact I was shipped out of Central Perth and transferred to King Lear to focus more on my studies, which in my case it didn’t give me much of the same opportunities as the other students, As you can imagine this only infuriated me more so.  I went around causing hell for the rest of the teachers until I was heard. I failed one term of grade seven history and as a result of that mishap I was placed under a different learning system. Which was a place I know I didn’t belong, I had problems with muscles I had no problems with my brain. I was smarter then most of the teachers that taught me. My teachers were all about spreading the word of friendship. “Screw friendship, I need to be challenged in school.” I wanted to reach my full potential as a student.  So half way through half way through the year I challenged the school to get me into a normal level of learning, with tremendous pressure they finally cracked.  As time went on I got very mad months later when I found out some shocking and disappointing news.   The disappointing new the school had given was because of the mistake by the school I would have to do double duty in school. They said for my credits to catch up with me I would have to study in grades 9, 10 and 11.  I would have to study like that in high school for the four years I was there.


After I completed grade nine I have to say I was proud of my accomplishments. I was so happy that I could finally stick it too the school.  As found out later on in the next year my grade nine first term didn’t match up with second term. So again I had to learn both grades in the same year. I really like civics and history; I seemed enjoy and excel at. I really seemed to hit my stride when I was in grade 11 and 12. I just was myself all 100% wacky me.  If you asked any of my friends they would probably say I was a little too crazy for even them.   My funniest moment in high school happened in grade 10 history class, at the time we were studying prohibition. I remember one time I had to put on a woman’s corset. “Let me tell you I’m glad I was never a woman in the 20’s. For the women back in the day from what I was told most of them would die from internal bleeding because the corset was so tight. When you put the corset you really have to suck your stomach in. From that point on I would really push myself to do well in school. Pulling off 75% and 80% percent.  I was so happy all the sacrifices were really it all. I just couldn’t believe and neither could any of my teachers. As I passed grade 9, 10 and 11 with a breeze. I was all set to head in to grade 12.  You just couldn’t believe how excited I was to finally have a chance to finish high school, the right way.


Going into grade twelve, I studied art I was no Da Vinci that’s for sure.   I just put my heart into everything I did and I’m not going to lie some of my creations were very strange. None the less I was proud called them art no matter how weird my projects looked. Later capturing credits to some other credits I would eventually graduate with my diploma. I was so happy so to be out of the high school and I could finally get on with my life. Not to say didn’t have fun in high school I remember some pretty funny moments.  Grade 9 I learned to shoot chocolate milk through my nose, grade 10 favourite moment playing bump. Grade 11 and 12. The school’s new foosball table was all the rage. “I have taken two months off my classes because everyone would just play foosball. The most classic memory about going to Northwestern was challenging my brother to anything. Angelo had been locked in a locker for forty-five minutes. So I decided “Heck if Angelo can do it so can I, get me in a locker.” So I challenged the record I managed to stay in the locker for an hour an a half. I was so proud I hope the record still stands today,” if not I may have to go back and reclaim my title.” After high school while taking a year off I decided to put my childhood talents to work. So I applied to Ottawa’s Algonquin College and after writing my admissions essay on “Why I want to be an author miraculously I was accepted personally I am so excited I am finally living a childhood dream. I’m very lucky because many people in life don’t get that opportunity.


Chapter 12 Taking my faith to a whole new level



This chapter is a testament to why I wanted to go further and make extra push to turn my life’s discouragement into something positive. Growing up I was the angriest kid ever. Stubborn at home and throughout my school years. That was until I received some guidance from a stranger, what she said seemed to make a lot of sense.   Those words were very enlightening until I received that message I didn’t know how to end this book.   Receiving that message was like receiving the last piece to a puzzles. My sacrifices throughout life are a lot like Jesus Christ I’ve been beaten up and bled for the simple reason that people did not understand me.  I wrote this book as a to show people that you can have a life after your struggles that’s what makes life so sweet. I wrote this poem to put my words into a better understanding.

Some of my inspirational words





Like Jesus Christ

The silent tears no one hears


The silent tears no one hears when my blood comes forth, no one hears my silent tears. When my eyes are darkened black no one hears my silent tears.


When I utter a small plea for help no one hears my silent tears.  When my face becomes sacred along with my heart, with every single blow I endure no one hears my silent tears.


Every single blow I must endure no hears my silent tears.

Every time my heart falls to pieces because of the punishment, no one hears my silent tears.


With every blow I endure I fight back doing nothing but enduring all the blood that flows from face, the bruises I must take.


I ask for the help of no human as I let my silent tears fall down from my eyes.

I shall not be frightened for I am a boy, a man, a gift from god....

So let the spirit of the Lord overflow me, let the holy son come into my body and fight for me. In that way they’ve given insurmountable strength to endure the strongest form of pain.


Let god flush out my battle wounds, may he make my soul pure in all his glory when I am laid to rest,


For I shall not rest but do forth the continuous mission of Jesus Christ and all his followers.


Heavenly father put forth your only son’s mission on to my shoulders; let me conquer your mission before I begin my own for only you hear my silent tears.




Written By Anthony Sicilia

The End

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