Father and SonMature

Just a conversation between a man and his son on a park bench? Maybe not. After all, it's time to hear from Almighty Father's point of view.

(Man 1 is on a bench with a newspaper. Man 2 sits next to him.)

Man 2: Honey! I’m home!

Man 1: You’re serious?

Man 2: What?

Man 1: A white suit?

Man 2: Oh yeah, my white suit, d’ya like it?

Man 1: It’s a white suit. You’re wearing a fricken white suit…

Man 2: Yeah, white suit. What’s the problem?

Man 1: Hallelujah let there be light! You’re repenting? Finally…

Man 2: Wait, no! No no no no no…you think I’m trying to steal your look?

Man 1: You’re wearing a fricken white suit man!

Man 2: Yeah, white suit. For a ‘ot date.

Man 1: Date?

Man 2: Yerra date.

Man 1: When d’ya start da’ing?

Man 2: Since the Seventh Day

Man 1: Hang on a minute? Seventh Day?

Man 2: Yeah, Seventh Day, how many times…

Man 1: I was resting on the Seventh Day! One fricken day and you’re in there corrupting all the women in the goddamn Testament!

Man 2: Yeah, those were the days…

Man 1: For the love of Mother Mary!

Man 2: Yeah, she was good…

Man 1: Jesus!

Man 2: Yeah, do me a favour? Don’t tell ‘im.

Man 1: I’ll smite yo ass!

Man 2: I don’t see the problem. The body is a temple to be worshipped.

Man 1: That makes about as much sense as a sexy nun.

Man 2: Yeah that Teresa chick’s next on my list…

Man 1: Dude!

Man 2: What?

Man 1: You’re making my saints into sinners!

Man 2: Dude, when an opportunity knocks. Besides, I didn’t force no one. That’s the beauty of free will…

Man 1: Thou shalt not tempt the Lord…

Man 2: But it ain’t you I’m tempting. They choose me all on their own. All they need is a little…push.

Man 1: Yeah, well will you quit it?

Man 2: Make me.

Man 1: I already threw you out you goddamn son ora bitch!

Man 2: That’s exactly right.

Man 1: Wait, you agree with me for once?

Man 2: Yeah, I’m the son of, makes you the bitch. Sounds about right! Fricken moron!

Man 1: Wanna fell my wrath?

Man 2: I’ll ignore that innuendo since incest is a sin.

Man 1: Lucifer…

Man 2: Seriously, that whole ‘wanna-feel-my-wrath’ thing ain’t scared me since Michael showed me his sword! Two millennia ago!

Man 1: You just don’t know when to quit, d’ya?

Man 2: I ain’t quitting till the Apocalypse. Which, by the way, is a formality by now…

Man 1: Wanna bet?

Man 2: I’ll bet on her (points to jogger) in fact, I bet I can get her sinning before you can say, ‘Amen to that!’

Man 1: You’re diabolical!

Man 2: That’s just my charm shining through, along with my unbea’able good looks and impeccable taste.

Man 1: Says fire and brimstone…

Man 2: Well Eve sure as hell warmed up to me.

Man 1: You leave her outta it!

Man 2: All’s fair in love and war…

Man 1: I make the rules!

Man 2: What rules? You got no rules! Moral conscience? That’s no more than a whisper in their head! Holy Spirit? It’s got no hold on them, you know why? Free will. And that is where your oh-so-perfect creation falls into the Pit.

Man 1: Creation ain’t perfect. Creation was never perfect. An’ without free will no one could be perfect. They’d all be mindless robots, like sheep. Good? Yeah, course. Perfect? No chance.

Man 2: So you risked sin and perdition to make summat perfect? Pretty big-ass risk if you ask me…

Man 1: Well no one’s asking you. An’ life needs risk or it ain’t life. It’s just a half-assed game that no one wins.

Man 2: Yeah, but that risk made you lose. Cos I’ve corrupted, like, all the souls…

Man 1: Not all of them, otherwise Heaven would be fricken empty right now!

Man 2: Okay then, 75% of the souls are mine.

Man 1: Wait you reckon you win from the numbers? Holy crap man! Do you know like, nothing?

Man 2: Excuse me?

Man 1: What’s the point of letting a soul go to Heaven if it don’t deserve it?

Man 2: What the Hell you on about?

Man 1: I only want the souls that are fricken perfect! Yeah they choose…they choose Heaven and they choose sin. But they don’t get both. No sinner gets into Heaven and no saint falls to Hell.

Man 2: Saints and sinners?

Man 1: Exactly!

Man 2: Dude, that makes zero sense!

Man 1: Thought so…

Man 2: You agree with me?

Man 1: No! I knew you wouldn’t gerrit! We’ve been arguing for two millennia and you still don’t gerrit!

Man 2: Get what?

Man 1: Wouldn’t you like to know?

(Man 1 walks away.

The End

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