Error of Judgement

Why? Why did I let him have his way with me? Why did I trust him so much when I knew he wasn't worth it? These were questions I never quite managed to answer satisfactorily to myself.

For as long as I could remember, my heart had belonged to the gorgeous, ever-so-charming, would-be doctor I had met when I was still in school. For years, my friends had endured hearing about "how perfect he was, how great his jokes were, blah, blah, blah..."

Though his home was close to mine, Rick was studying in a far-away city and so we rarely met more than twice a year. But, oh, what days those were! He was the ultimate romantic - complete with the sweet compliments and surprises. Waiting six months to see him never seemed too long...

True, he wasn't the kind of guy who is into relationships and commitment. He dated a million girls and had another million drooling over him. I wasn't one of them. I was "the friend". The one with whom problems were shared, the one who knew everything. The only problem was - I loved him. Knowing how he dreaded relationships, however, I never let my feelings show.

Though I knew there wasn't a chance in hell that we would be a couple, I hoped that one day Rick would realize what I felt for him and would love me too. I didn't want to date him, I wanted to marry him. Since marriage was still a good six-seven years away and my faith in long-distance relationships was not too great, I moved on... With this fantasy only a vague goal in my mind.

The guy I started dating was a close friend, sweet and extremely considerate. Given the amount of time we spent together and how nice he was, I couldn't help falling for him. Slowly a year went by and I was still in a somewhat steady relationship with Darren. I had met Rick in over a year and my calls to him had gone down from 4 a week to 1 a month, but he was still very much a part of my life.

Darren knew about my crush on Rick. He was jealous but didn't complain. He trusted I wouldn't cheat on him and he was right. Rick, on the other hand, was apparently not taking my detachment with him too well...

I realized how bad the situation was when I met Rick on an internet messenger one day. He was furious at how easily I had "thrown him out of my life". I endured the verbal insults, thinking that maybe he had missed me or was jealous of Darren. In fact, inwardly, I smiled, thinking that maybe he was falling for me too. Darren, however was furious when he found out that Rick had the audacity to be rude to his girl and I had a hard time convincing him that Rick didn't mean it. It was only when Rick told me that he was stuck in a problem and wanted my advice, did I realize that I was taking his outburst too optimistically.

So, okay, he was a little selfish, having remembered me when he needed help. But otherwise he was still my perfect, flawless Rick. Right? I had no inkling of how wrong I was...

Here is what Rick told me: "A friend of mine had broken up with her boyfriend and been really upset about it. I took her to a bar, where she got too drunk to go home and so I had to take her to my apartment. (His usual sweet self, i thought, only to bite my tongue a couple of minutes later...) The girl was almost unconscious and wasn't aware of what was happening around her. So I had sex with her and (in his own words) unfortunately forgot to put her clothes back on and go to the other room. She woke up in my bed the next morning and threatened to tell everyone, including the police. I told her that telling anyone would tarnish her reputation as well and so far have managed to keep her mouth shut. But I'm still worried."

I was definitely going to throw up. My friend of five years had raped a girl. Rick, the guy I had dreamt of marrying, had used his friend physically and was now facing possible arrest and a prison sentence of 14 years if the girl reported him. How I wished she would! Never in my whole life had I been so wrong about anyone! The guy I had thought of as sweet, caring, romantic, bright and god-knows-what-else was a rapist and a rogue in every sense of the word! I was disgusted at myself almost as much as I was with him...

I still don't get how I could have been so wrong in judging a person... How could any guy hide his faults so well or pretend for so long?? I doubt I will ever trust my instinct again.

Not everything ended in such a messy way. With no more reason to be jealous, and now convinced that I could never respect Rick again, Darren was extremely happy. I'm pleased to say, our relationship was gotten stronger and deeper ever since. I also know, that no matter how many disgusting creatures like Rick I meet, there will always be someone as nice as Darren to stand by my side and fight my battles for me...

 

The End

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