My poor heart. It's been subject to batterings of emotion from my head all day, since the party last night..
I feel so confused, I really do. Am I really as broken as all that? That a kiss will terrify me? Clearly, it does. But hers doesn't. I trust her, she's my best friend, it's not romantic, its platonic. I can handle platonic. I just can't do it once its romantic, once I can break someone's heart. It sounds so odd. I'm a straight girl, yet as soon as one guy tries to kiss me, I bolt. I don't see him like that, and so, I duck out of a purely innocent kiss. What?! Nothing's meant by it, and yet, I can't. I can't, for fear of breaking his heart any more than I already have. I'm trying to stop being such a tart. A unfeeling tart, huzzah.
Flagrantly, I'm just a very screwed up girl. I find myself screaming at my heart, telling it to stop being such a wallflower, and actually exert itself for once. Everyone else can control their heart. She has him-no matter what happens, he's always there. Damnit, heart, why can't you be like that? Love someone?