It's the 15th October 2012 and finally I'm starting a regular diary. So yeah, today was a weird one. Becca. Where do I start with all this? I can't be bothered to explain now, I will another time, I've gone through it so many times in my head. She told me last night that she still loves me. Which was a major shock. I thought she was indifferent to me, maybe even had a bit of dislike for me. Maybe she's lying. I can never tell with her. But she seemed pretty genuine here. I had to be honest, and I told her I loved her too. Which is true, I do. I don't think in the same way as her though, which seems to be causing some confusion. Today she's tweeted loads, obviously aimed at me, things like "I wonder if you're telling the truth, or were you just bored?". Things like that piss me off. Yeah, maybe she has a right to be sceptical of what people say, given what she's been through. But, she knows me as well as anybody, surely she knows when I'm telling the truth or not? Anyway, as I said before, I think we love each other in different ways. From the sounds of things, she still loves me in a "I'm not over you, let's get back together" way. Whereas, I love her in a "I hope you're okay, I care about you" way. I think she has taken this the wrong way. But I can't be fucked to correct her. I have so many other things to be thinking about, I need to focus my energy elsewhere. So 6th form went okay today. Nothing much happened, done my homework (Bit of English, finding examples of idioms, and some sociology, wrote the first page of an essay on Marxism) and things are alright. Got more to do later, I may do it if I can be bothered. This is my problem. No motivation to do any work in that place. It angers me that I'm like that, but I can't change it. Ordered some band merch off Impericon earlier, which has raised my mood a bit! Bought a Suicide Silence top and wristband, a Bring Me The Horizon wristband and an Asking Alexandria top. These should come in about 3-4 days according to Alyssa, (Coker, there's another Alyssa, I would explain but that's EFFORT so I'll save it for another time) so this is something to look forward to. Might go to Hornchurch v Billericay tommorow, although I may be out of money after my shopping rampage earlier. Am goning to stop writing now, should write again tommorow.

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