Yes, I admit it. I am that terrible person who goes through the trail mix and fishes out the chocolate pieces. I am sorry for all the disappointment I have caused all who take an honest handful, trusting fortune rather than cunning to grant them anything tastier than almonds and peanuts.
Even as I am writing this confession, I am stripping a bag of Trader Joe's trail mix of its mini peanut butter cups. It is glorious. Occasionally, I'll ingest a cashew to ease my guilty conscience, but really, I didn't open the bag for the health benefit.
* * *
I like to call myself a vegetarian, but I'm not really. Basically, I don't eat mammals. Unless the mammal comes in the form of sweetened gelatin--no way am I going to give up marshmallows, and I'll have some Jello if it's offered. This is mainly because my so-called 'vegetarianism' is mainly due to taste, not ethical, reasons.
Beef is disgusting. I never liked it, according to my parents, even when I was a baby. I can't stand the taste, texture, sight or smell of any sort of bovine meat, especially not the ground varieties. Some American I am, right?
I used to love ham and bacon, however. Then I saw Babe.
I would rather be a genuine vegetarian not eat any meat (excepting certain varieties of seafood), but I'll ingest turkey, chicken or salmon if it's the most convenient option.
As a faux-vegetarian, I sometimes find the antics of the more orthodox variety to be rather annoying. Once, I was at a potluck also attended by two younger vegetarian girls. I served myself some macaroni and had a few bites before noticing there was bacon in it. Oops, I thought to myself.Well, there's plenty of other dishes. No worries.
A few moments later, the other two vegetarians discovered what I had just found out.
"Oh my God," breathed one. "Is this meat?" she asked, horrified, in a tone more appropriate for the question, "Is this poisoned?"
"Oh my God, I think it is," the other one replied, wide-eyed.
"I just ate meat! I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Puh-leeze, I thought. Just eat around it, for crying out loud!
* * *
My mother pesters me about not getting enough calcium. After all, osteoperosis (or however you spell that, I don't feel like looking it up) runs in the family, from both sides. Problem is, I'm not particularly fond of plain milk.
If she bought more ice cream when she goes to the store, however, I could build up my bone density straight away.
Gouda cheese is also good in the way of dairy products, by the way. I'm not sure about its calcium content, but it's bound to have some nutritional value.