Dearest

Thoughts and feelings on my personal journey to the top of "Mount Everest"

     Have you ever thought about climbing Mount Everest?  I've been told it takes days, as different altitudes take heavy tolls on your lungs.  A very select few are foolish enough to try and make it in a day: it's torture both mentally and physically.

     Ha, in many ways, our friendship is kind of like climbing Mount Everest; it's had a few rough starts but over time it gets easier.  Our altitude changes must happen slowly or we're done for.  But in the end, we keep on climbing because something in our hearts tells us that the view from the peak will be worth the wait ten times over.

     But you see, we're taking two different journeys.  You've come prepared to camp out at every level, none too concerned with what might find you at the journey's end, as it is merely an opportunity granted to you just for taking that first step.  I, on the other hand, am in it to earn every step to the top of that mountain, taking the treacherous fool's journey.  Yes, I've been taking on Mount Everest in a day, so difficult, so tormenting, so self-defeating it's a death sentence.  I am driven by the soft, seductive whispers of the peak; I'm determined to one day be worthy of it.

    My dearest, from the genesis of our friendship, you've had to earn nothing.  I've essentially handed myself to you on a silver platter.  But you've never asked why; it's only natural that you be given such things, born into it.  Unlike yourself, I've never quite felt worthy of this friendship, be it possibly just a matter of convenience or simple courtesy.  Every move I make, every step I've taken, has been to become more worthy of you.  And despite this moment of defeat, I know in my heart that I will most likely never stop trying to earn you.  For now, though, the journey must come to a halt, a stand-still if you will, because I've grown tired and weary of losing my grip.  For every time you accomplish another first or complete another mission you have set in stone, I feel my efforts and struggles succeeding less.  The slope has grown more slippery and I'm finding it so much more difficult to even see how far I have come. 

     So maybe the trek up the mountain wasn't meant to be tackled in one day..

 

 

 

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