What am I doing?
I mean, really - what am I doing? Now that freedom is here - now that all the hard work has paid off - what am I doing?
I've been re-reading Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. Normally, I don't read theological books, as I *personally* believe they just complicate Christianity too much, and I prefer to read God's Word, Itself. But Crazy Love isn't the typical theological book, and I'm finding that it isn't complicating anything. In fact, it's breaking it down.
Because, 1960's as it sounds, doesn't it all boil down to Love?
Chan writes about living a radical life. How if you're not actively pursuing God with all you are, then how can you claim to really Love Him? And I ask myself, if I'm not shedding everything that God abhors, then how can I claim to be serving Him?
Here's where I'm gonna be honest. I hardly get any exercise, as embarrassing as it is to admit. Why? Merely because I don't feel like it, and I'd rather spend hours on the Internet. But doesn't God abhor laziness?
Or that TV show I just watched, even though it has quite a bit of what you could call "sensuality." No, it's not outright sex, but there's some inappropriate stuff in it. How can I watch that, then turn around and write in my prayer journal about how much I LOVE GOD, only minutes later?
Or how I nonchalantly (and repeatedly) snub that certain girl whose social standing, sense of humor, and sense of style I'm jealous of.
Or how...how I allow lustful thoughts to fester (and I mean REALLY fester) in my mind, when God clearly speaks out against any kind of uncleanness w.h.a.t.s.o.e.v.e.r.
Or how (even though I've really been trying hard to get rid of this) I can cuss and make inappropriate jokes like the best of 'em, when it's so clear (see Ephesians 5:4) that God opposes that kind of talk.
Or how I turn on the radio and listen to the songs that six months ago, I promised myself I'd never listen to, because they're really sexual.
I'm a Christian, and Christians are called to live lives that are completely devoid of impurities and uncleannesses, but still I think it's fine to let my eyes linger a moment too long when I'm on Pinterest and I see semi- (or even fully) pornographic photos (and sometimes even seek them out)?...how does that even make sense?
Umm...is any of this at least a little familiar? Because, I'll admit, I'm going to feel really stupid if I post all this, and none of you struggle with anything even remotely similar.
I'll post this, then add another.