One thing I discovered, while going through Idina's anorexia, was that sometimes...sometimes, when your heart is breaking and you feel so far from God, the only thing you can do is thank Him for the very things that are tearing your heart out.
I remember once, while my family was staying at someone's house, the hostess pulled an egg casserole out of the oven and exclaimed, "Oh! It turned out just right - even the tomatoes! Thank-You, God!"
I took her exclamation of thanks and tucked it deep within my heart. Later, I told two of my friends about it. They scoffed and said, "That's just a little cheesy, don't you think?"
"Yeah, yeah, it is," I agreed outwardly, but, on the inside, I thought to myself, But I wish I was more like that.
See, I firmly believe that every.little.thing is an opportunity to thank God for something. And as my heart ached in my later years, and as I felt torn apart because God seemed distant, I sat with my hand pressed up against the van window as I stared out, thanking God (with an albeit numbed heart) for the way the some of the waves were choppy and grey, and others were smooth and blue. It was just so beautiful.
Last night, I picked up the book One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp (do yourself a favor and read it). I had only read one chapter of it before, and do you want to know why? Silly as it sounds, I was jealous of her amazing writing style, and so I was avoiding it. But last night, I read a few chapters of the book, and my heart swelled with joy.
Yes! She gets it! I'm not the only one who finds it important to thank God for little things! And I was able to move past the insecurities of my heart and read the healing pages in front of me.
"But why stop at the little things?" I asked myself. "Why shouldn't I thank God for the things that really hurt?"
And so, I picked up my prayer journal and a pen, and I wrote out a list of thanks. Including things that weren't so easy to write about. Let me show you what I wrote...