"I am no longer a writer; I am only lost."
- me, a few hours ago.
I have this remarkable ability to swear I'm about to give up, then decide to pursue freedom, only a few minutes later. In fact, I rarely go for more than three days at a time without being just about to throw in the towel, only to make a 180° turn and decide I will pursue freedom with more vigor than ever.
Today's reason for wanting to give up was the fact that I've had basically no writing inspiration lately, which is a symptom of the depression I've been fighting virtually constantly these past couple weeks. Obviously, I'm hugely into writing - it's carried me through so much. So you can imagine why losing writing inspiration would be such a terrible thing for me. In the middle of my frustration, I logged off Protagonize, determined that I was never going to visit the site again. You know, just to prove to God how finished I was with the whole "writing for freedom" business.
And then, I watched a YouTube clip of God's tremendous Love, and I was like, "OH, MY WORD! I AM SO GOING TO KEEP JOURNEYING TOWARD FREEDOM! I'M NOT GOING TO LET DEPRESSION GET ME DOWN!" bladeebla. So I swung to the opposite side of the spectrum (which is a really good thing) and am now, once more, committed to freedom.
Later, once again restored, I was able to serve God and speak the Truth to a couple different friends.
But if I hadn't chosen to get back on track and fight for freedom, I would have been unable to encourage those around me. If I'd really given up, if I'd returned to my chains, my ability to spread God's Love would have been shattered.
Warrior, if you're about to give up - if you're about to "throw in the towel" - don't. God is working incredible things through your freedom, even if you don't recognize it. Please, hang on. Just for the moment. Just take it a moment at a time. I promise, He's got amazing things in mind for you - things you can't even imagine.
So, just in case you're wondering, I'm still a writer. I'm still running toward the goal of complete freedom. I'm not giving up; I refuse to give up. Because of Christ, I am better than the chains that would try to hold me back.
You are, too...