The second and final point of what I wrote today.
At the beginning of the first chapter, I gave you guys a fairly extensive recap of my past week. Once again, what I'm about to tell you isn't anything you haven't heard before. But I'm writing it, because I asked God if He wanted me to write anything tonight, and He told me to write this. So I'm writing it, because if I've learned anything these past seventeen years, it's that God is always right. :)
Looking back at this past week, I can't say that I've made any incredible steps forward. It's been all I can do to fight for the progress I've made so far. In the past seven days, I've lost nearly all writing inspiration, nearly all photography inclination, nearly all love for music, and nearly all the desire to dance. And yes, I realize the redundancy of the "nearly all"s in the previous sentence. Anyways.
But you know what? You know what? I haven't given up. Sure, I've come pretty close to it multiple times, but I haven't given up. Despite the recurring themes of anxiety, depression, OCD, and perfectionism, I repeat: I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP. I've forced myself to write, though none of it was really Protagonize-worthy. I've forced myself to continue photography, though I only liked about 0.9383902853% of the results. I've forced myself to listen to encouraging music and to sing and to play the piano, though not as wholeheartedly as usual. I've forced myself to dance, though I confess, I didn't dance very much. I've forced myself to do the things that remind me of freedom, because if I don't embrace freedom with every fiber of my being, something's going to snap. It's happened before, and I don't want it to happen again.
Fighting, fighting, fighting. The days blur into one big battlefield. What I wouldn't give for an hour of rest! But the hardest battles are the ones that mean the most to me, so by God (and ONLY by God), I'll keep persevering. Mental illness is nothing compared to the Greatness of the God I serve.
Please, keep fighting. No, let me rephrase that. PLEASE, KEEP FIGHTING!!!! Just like how I fought by putting four exclamation points, instead of three! :) Please, keep putting your trust in God, instead of running to old strongholds! Please, don't give up! Don't give in! Keep fighting! Keep fighting! He will carry us through! Just keep fighting!
And, if you're in roughly the same time zone as me (most of you readers are) go to bed soon. Things always look better in the morning. ;)
P.S. I also truly believe that God is proud of what I've done this past week. I'm pretty sure He's proud of you, too.