The Thing I Wanted.

They said this would happen.

They said that as soon as you get a label, you wish you didn't have one. That's what they said. That's what so many people said.

A couple days ago, Rossie made me promise to talk to my therapist about my OCD. So I walked into the office this morning with my mind made up: I would spill the beans about my obsessive compulsive ways.

I started out the topic by asking this: "What's the difference between OCD and simply having some OCD-ish habits?"

He replied that there wasn't a clear cut answer to my question and, instead, asked me to give him some examples of my possibly OCD ways. When I finished explaining, he said that diagnostically, certain criteria have to be met for actual OCD. And he said that, judging from what I told him, I have OCD and not just OCD tendencies.

Well, guys. I got what I wanted. I walked out of that office with a label.

And I hate it.

Go ahead. Say "I told you so." Tell me how ridiculous I was for wanting a problem in the first place.

Before, I wanted a label so that my pain would be legitimate. Now that I've got one, I can't help but think, "I can't believe I wasn't strong enough to make it through my pain without any actual mental illnesses!"

It was, from the very beginning, a lose-lose situation. I got what I wanted, only to find that I don't want it, after all.

I know for a fact that at least a few of my readers struggle with not having a "real problem." Well, let me tell you...it's not what it seems. Problems are real, even if they don't have a diagnosed term attached to them. Like a dear friend of mine said, "If you feel pain, it's real" (If you're reading this, thanks for the quote, Trish ;) ).

Pain needs no diagnosis.

Now that I'm standing on the other side of the line, wishing I didn't have any type of mental illness and trying not to curse myself for wanting one in the first place, it's time to move forward. Okay, so I've got this label. That's alright. I can make it through. This is just another bump in the road. I'll keep moving forward, I'll keep progressing, I'll keep getting better. This is not the end. All my problems have finally been brought into the light; now, it's time to move on. By God's Grace - and only by His Grace - I can do this.

Warrior, dear Warrior, leave that baggage behind. Let go of what's holding you back. Let's end this day with a bang. Let's shed our insecurities, even though it's far easier said than done, and let's make sure this day doesn't pass without a glimmer of hope. Let's get rid of the suitcases that we carry around wherever we go, and let's get out of here.

Let's run like our lives depend on it, because honestly, they do.

The End

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