Remembering Something.

I was sitting in church, listening to the sermon, when something happened. All of a sudden, an image of the first time I saw my sister's monsters crept into my mind.

It was at Christmastime, quite a few years ago. At the time, my sister (I'll call her "Idina" again) was trying to convince my mom that she was old enough to wear mascara. My mom, however, wasn't buying it. At least, we didn't think so.

We were all gathered around, unwrapping presents, when Idina unwrapped the very gift that, up until then, she had been wanting like crazy.

Her first tube of mascara.

Suddenly, Idina's countenance changed. Agitated, she looked away and didn't say much of anything. We asked what was wrong. In that moment, Idina curled up, buried her face in her hands, and wept. Silently. Tearlessly.

The picture of vulnerability. I have never seen such despondency since.

I reached out to hug her, but she pulled away from my touch. When asked what was wrong, Idina cried out, "I don't know!" and then ran upstairs.

To this day, I don't know what was going on in my sister's mind. But that was the first time I glimpsed her inner hell. I know it sounds cliched, but honestly, I grew up a little that day. Things haven't been the same since. It was like that little tube of mascara took away my sister's childhood...and I don't know why. I don't suppose I ever will.

Ever since I "grew up," it's been hard for me to have a childlike, completely trusting faith. When I changed, so did my faith in God. I haven't simply trusted in Him since. It's always been about getting my prayers right, pleasing God with a good round of worship, making sure I "talk the talk," trying my best to "walk the walk." I haven't come as a child to God in a long, long time.

I'm not blaming this on my sister. Fact of life is, my faith would've "grown up," eventually.

But let's return to that childlike faith. The one where we laugh, just because God is God. The one where we write a poem (or draw a picture, or sing a song, or compose a piano piece, or WHATEVER) and run to God with it, expecting Him to be pleased, and knowing He will be. The kind of faith that makes us wake up with a smile on our face, because we've got a whole day to be happy in.

Childlike faith isn't a simpleton sort of thing. On the contrary, returning to that kind of trusting in God is one of the greatest journeys we could ever set ourselves on. But let's go back to simply Loving Him. Let's approach His Throne as little children...knowing that we will be well-received.

The End

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