I had to call in sick to work today.
The past few days, I've been fighting a really bad head cold. I thought I was getting better, but today, I've been just miserable. Normally, I enjoy getting fevers, because it means that I get to lie in bed and read books all day. Now that I have a job, though, I can't get sick. Not only is it unimpressive to call in sick, but it also costs me money. Because of my fever, I'm having to forego a seven-hour-shift's worth of money! Gahr.
But the main reason I'm upset is because when I'm sick, people have to do things for me. For example, my employers had to call another employee and ask him to work, because I can't. And that's not all. My mom (understandably) wants me to touch as few things as possible, so that I don't contaminate the house with my germs. This means that she has to get everything for me.
Which wouldn't be a big deal, except for the guilt complex I'm currently trying to get over. I feel horribly guilty making people do things for me.
The thought process behind this: I shouldn't have needs.
Which, when I think about it, is absolutely stupid. Ridiculously absurd. I am sick; I need to drink fluids in order to get better. I cannot get these fluids, because I can't spread germs; I need my mom to get my water for me.
These are legitimate needs. I have a right to need water. I have a right to need help getting water, if I cannot get it myself. I am human. I am created to have needs.
The thought of "I shouldn't have needs" is pathetically preposterous. I need food! I need water! I need air! I need shelter! I need exercise! I need sleep!
I need, because I exist!
God has created humans to be dependent creatures. Our existence, whether we like it or not, depends on if we can obtain the things we need. If we were created to not have needs, food, water, air, shelter, exercise, and sleep wouldn't exist.
In the same way, just as humans are dependent on the substances and actions that give us life, we are ultimately dependent on God. We, in our neediness, were created to crave fulfillment for our souls. Of course, God is the only One Who can provide the fulfillment we look for.
The point of this chapter isn't to convince you that you need God (that's another matter entirely). No, the point of this chapter is to remind you (and remind myself, in the process), that it's okay to have needs. We have a right to need! Neediness isn't a sign of weakness; it's something that God Himself placed within us.
Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with the feeling that I, in and of myself, ought to be self-sufficient. Maybe none of you feel as though you should be able to get by on your own. But if you do feel as though you shouldn't have needs, that is completely false. It is not something God expects of us. Rather, God expects us to be dependent. To try to be self-sufficient is to try to be nonhuman.
Anyways, all that to say, I'm going to try not to feel guilty when my mom gets me medicine tonight.