I am in a flippin' awful mood.
I finished Skyping a friend a little while ago. She asked what was wrong. I honestly have no snappin' clue. I just feel awful. Kind of. Mostly numb. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now.
Today was a lovely day in church. I mean, one of the services was on Romans 8, for pity's sake! I wrote out a bunch of favorite Bible verses and highlighted even more. And I kicked perfectionism's butt by not painstakingly highlighting perfectly. It was hard. I think I even groaned about it, right in the middle of the service. :P But it was worth it.
I was happy. Mostly. I still have that niggling sadness almost 24/7. But it's no biggie. Maybe it'll fade with time.
After that, I hung out with a dear cousin of mine and watched The Hunger Games with her. It was a blast.
And then, I drove home. And things sort of changed. As soon as I walked through the door into my empty house (I'm home alone for a couple more hours, as my parents went out-of-state to visit some friends for the weekend, and I had to stay back because of work - barf!), I felt this horrible and oppressive tidal wave wash over me.
Things completely changed. Involuntarily. One moment, I was mostly happy. The next, it was all I could do to not dig my fingernails as far into my skin as they could go. Or something equally regressive.
I want to know why I keep doing this. I want to know why things are fine one moment, and then, some horrible, depressed mood sweeps over me without warning. I want to get to the bottom of this. I want to stop struggling for at least an hour sometime. I'm not even asking for a whole day - just one hour, God! Just one hour, and I'll be satisfied!
I want to know why this keeps happening to me.